romance issues

Well I mean you're jumping ahead to your relationship future with her before even going on this date and that might be where you're freaking yourself out a bit. It's just a date to hang out with for the night! Focus on having fun instead of what it all means for your future.

The biggest disservice you can do for yourself is not admitting to yourself what you really want. Truthfully, the basic message I'm getting is you actually don't want anything serious. Otherwise I think you'd just be psyched for the date and wouldn't be coming up with all this other stuff to be concerned about.

These concerns you mentioned seem to focus on things you want to accomplish (good grades, getting a car, a job, etc.) and you're afraid a relationship will jeopardize all that. I think at your age that is exactly what you should be doing (focusing on yourself and who you want to be and what you want), rather than focusing on getting into a serious relationship. But that is just my opinion.

^you're like the Dear Abby of the forum!

Someone else advise!!!!

I just objectively look at the facts. The facts lead me to believe that he's too worried about where this date is going for this to be what he wants. It just sounds like he doesn't think a relationship will work and it's because he hasn't accomplished these basic life things.

Steph. What does it sound like is going on to you? Just cus I say these things doesn't make me right.

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Someone else advise!!!!

I just objectively look at the facts. The facts lead me to believe that he's too worried about where this date is going for this to be what he wants. It just sounds like he doesn't think a relationship will work and it's because he hasn't accomplished these basic life things.

Steph. What does it sound like is going on to you? Just cus I say these things doesn't make me right.

haha. i meant that in a good way! people trust your advice. i do think he is looking too far into the future and just needs to tell her how he feels so they can either date or he can move on. but i understand him being nervous, i would be, too! over all, don't worry so much! worrying isn't changing the situation at all. that's what i would say.

hey i've done some dumb things and i'll probably do some more... i'll try to figure it out and i'll be okay at the end of the day.

WingsForWheels wrote:

hey i've done some dumb things and i'll probably do some more... i'll try to figure it out and i'll be okay at the end of the day.

that's a good attitude!

WingsForWheels wrote:

until you've been handed relationship advice by JimmyB, you have no idea what i feel.

You. Funny.

Exactly- no matter what happens, you'll be fine!

steph wrote:

Camus wrote:

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

Usually we need things told straight up. We're not mind readers either

yeah, but when everyone you know knows that you like someone and that someone probably knows and you hang out all the time but don't say anything or make a move, and she talks about how cute other guys are...i dunno. you boys are ridiculous!

Sometimes we just don't want to know or realize that there is absolutely no chance. And even if you know: once there are some real heavy feelings involved, it's practically too late. It's much harder to accept reality than to stick around someone you feel comfortable around in the hope that some miracle might occur. Accepting reality would virtually mean that you would have to break all contact, because it is almost impossible to go from "hopelessly in love" to "just friends" in the blink of an eye. It may have ended badly in this situation with your friend, but would you have preferred him ignoring you for a long time just because he got the idea thhat you didn't like him the way he did? The way I see it, he kept being around you and hoping for something until it became unbearable to go on like that (and that's definitely some poor judgement from his side), but the fact that he stuck around even though you wanted something else might be a sign of him really caring...

I find that unless you are flat out told/tell the person that nothing will happen between you two and words are backed up with actions supporting this, then there'll always be hope (either on your end or theirs). If you say nothing will happen but continue to be as close as ever, or they continue to flirt with you even though they say they don't want anything, things get confusing and people get hurt Of course sometimes the person still has a leg in reality and takes the hint! And if I'm on the receiving end, it's up to me to realize "Oh. This guy hasn't returned my text, etc. I guess he's not that into me." All this is easier said than done of course!

mingus wrote:

steph wrote:

Camus wrote:

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

Usually we need things told straight up. We're not mind readers either

yeah, but when everyone you know knows that you like someone and that someone probably knows and you hang out all the time but don't say anything or make a move, and she talks about how cute other guys are...i dunno. you boys are ridiculous!

Sometimes we just don't want to know or realize that there is absolutely no chance. And even if you know: once there are some real heavy feelings involved, it's practically too late. It's much harder to accept reality than to stick around someone you feel comfortable around in the hope that some miracle might occur. Accepting reality would virtually mean that you would have to break all contact, because it is almost impossible to go from "hopelessly in love" to "just friends" in the blink of an eye. It may have ended badly in this situation with your friend, but would you have preferred him ignoring you for a long time just because he got the idea thhat you didn't like him the way he did? The way I see it, he kept being around you and hoping for something until it became unbearable to go on like that (and that's definitely some poor judgement from his side), but the fact that he stuck around even though you wanted something else might be a sign of him really caring...

you have a good point!

Someone remind me to not even have something remotely close to a feeling toward someone who I may have to work with. Because I'm having trouble with this right now.

redskynight wrote:

Someone remind me to not even have something remotely close to a feeling toward someone who I may have to work with. Because I'm having trouble with this right now.

Tell us about him.

I know at least three couples who've been together or married for over 10 years that met at work.

redskynight wrote:

Someone remind me to not even have something remotely close to a feeling toward someone who I may have to work with. Because I'm having trouble with this right now.

okay, but only because this worked with my sister, who was being abused by her husband, she kept going back to him and i kept saying "why are you going back to him!" and she would say "i don't know he keeps promising it will get better" and it never did and then finally one day i said "don't have something remotely close to a feeling toward him!" and she said "you're right, thank you for saying that, i have the strength to leave him now"

and it all ended well.

SO DON'T HAVE SOMETHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO A FEELING TOWARD SOMEONE YOU MAY HAVE TO WORK WITH. POOF. feelings gone!

Harbortown wrote:

redskynight wrote:

Someone remind me to not even have something remotely close to a feeling toward someone who I may have to work with. Because I'm having trouble with this right now.

Tell us about him.

ROFL. Well, I just met him. Mainly cause we're speaking on a panel together. He's also kind of ... a tool. Very sarcastically arrogant. Also kind of good looking. Which ... doesn't help at all.

sarcastically arrogant, good looking tool. STAY AWAY FROM HIM. JUST DON'T GO NOWHERE NEAR HIM.

WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD'VE TIPPED ME OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I'll probably keep in touch with him for newspaper reasons, but gah. My level of desperate needs to be kept in check.

I feel your pain, I fall for the same guys

I should just go for guys wearing cardigans, oxfords, and skinny jeans and have beards.

redskynight wrote:

I should just go for guys wearing cardigans, oxfords, and skinny jeans and have beards.

seriously. Not enough ryan goslings in this world.

plugga wrote:

redskynight wrote:

I should just go for guys wearing cardigans, oxfords, and skinny jeans and have beards.

seriously. Not enough ryan goslings in this world.

right? there is seriously a print out of sex radical ryan gosling in my school's newsroom right now.

redskynight wrote:

plugga wrote:

redskynight wrote:

I should just go for guys wearing cardigans, oxfords, and skinny jeans and have beards.

seriously. Not enough ryan goslings in this world.

right? there is seriously a print out of sex radical ryan gosling in my school's newsroom right now.

IT SHOULD BE IN EVERY ROOM IN EVERY HOUSE.

plugga wrote:

redskynight wrote:

plugga wrote:

redskynight wrote:

I should just go for guys wearing cardigans, oxfords, and skinny jeans and have beards.

seriously. Not enough ryan goslings in this world.

right? there is seriously a print out of sex radical ryan gosling in my school's newsroom right now.

IT SHOULD BE IN EVERY ROOM IN EVERY HOUSE.

AGREED TIMES A THOUSAND.

steph wrote:

Labhras wrote:

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

that's a sad story. he might have gotten the hint, but it wouldn't of helped him to stop liking you. if knowing that someone wasn't interested in you was enough to stop you feeling for them there'd be no need for this thread!

and thus concludes stephanie's story time. i come in here being all sarcastic and somehow you guys get me spilling my life's stories!

haha sorry lady i didn't mean to knock you outta your comfort zone! i shan't pry any further