romance issues

mingus wrote:

Christophe wrote:

I met a girl a couple of years ago who to me was perfect and it seems now that I am constantly judging every other girl by her and that's not helping either because no one seems to come close to her. I think the bottom line with me is I need to find some self-belief from somewhere.

Were you ever together with that girl (so that you could see her own flaws and imperfections), or did she always remain something like a fantasy to you?

By the way, credits to NeverTrustAJunkie: I don't think you have ever said anything stupid in this topic. You really have a talent of talking some sense and confidence into people and of being to the point. Even in conversations that were about completely different people you have said things that made sense to me as well. So thank you for that

No i was never with her I just met her one night when I was out with friends and she was like a friend of a friend. Looking back now I obviously never knew her properly but I just got a really good impression from her and it it might seem a bit silly but I couldn't stop thinking about her for like a whole year after I had met her. She had a boyfriend at the time I met her as well so that meant obviously there wasn't much I could do. I just hate it when you meet somebody like that but for whatever reason there is no chance of being with her. Sometimes I wish I hadn't met her in a way because it has given me a glimpse of what seemed to me to be prefection and she is often in the back of my mind when speaking to girls. Girls like that don't come along very often that is why I was so depressed about it afterwards thinking that I would never meet a girl like that again. The girl I met last night was actually quite similar to her and that is why I am so annoyed with myself about it.

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Harbortown wrote:

JimmyB wrote:

At least there was a girl interested in you.

Shut up, Jimmy.

Shut the hell up.

Please stop being so funny. I almost choked on my gum laughing. It's true, we've gotten so used to the "your life doesn't suck as much as mine" attitude that it's automatically how we process your posts JimmyB! D'oh! But let's focus on someone else for a few posts, shall we?


I get how you feel Christophe. It's a vicious cycle though. Because you'll automatically assume the person's not interested and therefore you won't flirt back because you don't want to be rejected by someone you've convinced yourself doesn't like you. Then that person won't pursue you any further cus they think you're not interested and it's a big FAIL for everyone.

Honestly I don't know if anyone actually knows how to totally relax when an attractive person they're interested in is talking to them. Butterflies are normal.

Your reasons for not wanting to get involved actually sound reasonable to me. However you could meet someone that lives in your area too so ya know, don't shut everyone down

Steph- the thought behind the saying is true though you don't have to like, sleep with the person! haha One time I made plans with another guy just to go to a show and that alone was enough for me to snap out of the woe-is-me vortex I was in because of the previous dude.

Yeah thanks NeverTrustAJunkie once again you've hit the nail on the head. That first paragraph sums up what happened last night really I just need to change my mentality from negative to positive. I think way too much about how I appear and how others see me and I really want to be able to just forget about myself and even everyone else in the room and just concentrate on the girl I am with and not worry or care what anyone else thinks because they don't matter.

i feel kinda silly posting this here but maybe i'll throw my own situation into the mix. it probably seems so juvenile and "high school" to most of you guys. if nothing else maybe this will help me get my thoughts straight.

there's this girl who i'm friends with... you probably could've guessed that i like her and i have for a while. i'm pretty sure i'm severely friendzoned. anyway my plan was to ask her to our high school grad in the next month or two, but word kinda got out about that, and with the pressure from my friends, i just asked her recently. keep in mind that grad is in more than 3 months. it was kinda getting awkward with everybody knowing (her included) and all, so i just did it. she wanted a grad date and we're pretty good friends so she said yes.

so pretty much for the next three months we aren't dating, but we can't really date anyone else. not that i would go out with anyone else anyway, but she wants a boyfriend and i feel like i'm not putting her in the best position. i mean i could just ask her out, but i'm not sure if i'd be willing to get a job to kinda sustain the thing, as i'm really trying to keep my marks up for some nice scholarships for university. and i can't even get my license until the end of summer. but even if i had a job and a car, there's a good chance that it wouldn't work out and i would mess things up for grad. and in that case i'd come out of this whole thing empty handed. but who even knows how well grad would go? she wants a grad date but i want to go with her and there's a difference. not sure how that'll work out.

anyway i'll just keep talking to her... we're both going to a party saturday and who knows what'll happen when i'm 6 beer back (yeah i'm not the heaviest of heavyweights). asking her to grad this early was a mistake, but i'll try to make the best of whatever situation i've landed myself in.

WingsForWheels wrote:

i feel kinda silly posting this here but maybe i'll throw my own situation into the mix. if nothing else maybe this will help me get my thoughts straight.

there's this girl who i'm friends with... you probably could've guessed that i like her and i have for a while. i'm pretty sure i'm severely friendzoned. anyway my plan was to ask her to our high school grad in the next month or two, but word kinda got out about that, and with the pressure from my friends, i just asked her recently. keep in mind that grad is in more than 3 months. it was kinda getting awkward with everybody knowing (her included) and all, so i just did it. she wanted a grad date and we're pretty good friends so she said yes.

so pretty much for the next three months we aren't dating, but we can't really date anyone else. not that i would go out with anyone else anyway, but she wants a boyfriend and i feel like i'm not putting her in the best position. i mean i could just ask her out, but i'm not sure if i'd be willing to get a job to kinda sustain the thing, as i'm really trying to keep my marks up for some nice scholarships for university. and i can't even get my license until the end of summer. but even if i had a job and a car, there's a good chance that it wouldn't work out and i would mess things up for grad. and in that case i'd come out of this whole thing empty handed. but who even knows how well grad would go? she wants a grad date but i want to go with her and there's a difference. not sure how that'll work out.

anyway i'll just keep talking to her... we're both going to a party saturday and who knows what'll happen when i'm 6 beer back (yeah i'm not the heaviest of heavyweights). asking her to grad this early was a mistake, but i'll try to make the best of whatever situation i've landed myself in.

you need to just tell her straight up how you feel. even if she rejects you, you will know the truth and be able to move on. you're not doing either of you a favor by drawing this out. i don't see why you would need a job to have a girlfriend. anyways, you're just prolonging this whole thing for the next few months. just be straight up with her, and if she doesn't feel the same, maybe you shouldn't be each other's grad dates.

WingsForWheels wrote:

i feel kinda silly posting this here but maybe i'll throw my own situation into the mix. if nothing else maybe this will help me get my thoughts straight.

there's this girl who i'm friends with... you probably could've guessed that i like her and i have for a while. i'm pretty sure i'm severely friendzoned. anyway my plan was to ask her to our high school grad in the next month or two, but word kinda got out about that, and with the pressure from my friends, i just asked her recently. keep in mind that grad is in more than 3 months. it was kinda getting awkward with everybody knowing (her included) and all, so i just did it. she wanted a grad date and we're pretty good friends so she said yes.

so pretty much for the next three months we aren't dating, but we can't really date anyone else. not that i would go out with anyone else anyway, but she wants a boyfriend and i feel like i'm not putting her in the best position. i mean i could just ask her out, but i'm not sure if i'd be willing to get a job to kinda sustain the thing, as i'm really trying to keep my marks up for some nice scholarships for university. and i can't even get my license until the end of summer. but even if i had a job and a car, there's a good chance that it wouldn't work out and i would mess things up for grad. and in that case i'd come out of this whole thing empty handed. but who even knows how well grad would go? she wants a grad date but i want to go with her and there's a difference. not sure how that'll work out.

anyway i'll just keep talking to her... we're both going to a party saturday and who knows what'll happen when i'm 6 beer back (yeah i'm not the heaviest of heavyweights). asking her to grad this early was a mistake, but i'll try to make the best of whatever situation i've landed myself in.

Rather than having the awkwardness drag on I would say that you need to tell her how you actually feel. You'll soon realise that if you don't make it clear what you're after then you won't get anywhere - she can't read your mind
The fact that she said yes to being your grad date is a good sign.
Other people may have something different to say but this is just my two cents.

The fact she said yes this early means a good sign.
The fact you worked up the guts to ask her is another good thing. As said above...tell her how you feel directly (and while sober)....

yeah you guys are right i guess i'm just having a tough time with it. thanks though.

until you've been handed relationship advice by JimmyB, you have no idea what i feel.

WingsForWheels wrote:

until you've been handed relationship advice by JimmyB, you have no idea what i feel.

That sounds like signature material

WingsForWheels wrote:

until you've been handed relationship advice by JimmyB, you have no idea what i feel.

one of my guy friends liked me when i was about your age, and everyone knew about it, it was the worst kept secret in the world, but i just thought of him as a really good friend, and we never really brought it up...anyways it ended up really bad in the end! and i hope i'm not scaring you by saying that, i just mean that it is better to get it out there!

JimmyB wrote:

Yeah, I guess it is. I just could really use something positive...before anyone says buy a hooker/stripper...NO THANK YOU! Not attracted to the type of Girl who would resort to that to get attention.

You really think girls become hookers and strippers to get attention?

Harbortown wrote:

JimmyB wrote:

Yeah, I guess it is. I just could really use something positive...before anyone says buy a hooker/stripper...NO THANK YOU! Not attracted to the type of Girl who would resort to that to get attention.

You really think girls become hookers and strippers to get attention?

Maybe he hasn't heard of 'daddy issues.'

steph wrote:

WingsForWheels wrote:

until you've been handed relationship advice by JimmyB, you have no idea what i feel.

one of my guy friends liked me when i was about your age, and everyone knew about it, it was the worst kept secret in the world, but i just thought of him as a really good friend, and we never really brought it up...anyways it ended up really bad in the end! and i hope i'm not scaring you by saying that, i just mean that it is better to get it out there!

if you don't mind me asking, how did it end really bad?

WingsForWheels wrote:

until you've been handed relationship advice by JimmyB, you have no idea what i feel.

Welcome to my signature.

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

Usually we need things told straight up. We're not mind readers either

Harbortown wrote:

WingsForWheels wrote:

until you've been handed relationship advice by JimmyB, you have no idea what i feel.

Welcome to my signature.

it's an honor

Camus wrote:

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

Usually we need things told straight up. We're not mind readers either

yeah, but when everyone you know knows that you like someone and that someone probably knows and you hang out all the time but don't say anything or make a move, and she talks about how cute other guys are...i dunno. you boys are ridiculous!

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

that's a sad story. he might have gotten the hint, but it wouldn't of helped him to stop liking you. if knowing that someone wasn't interested in you was enough to stop you feeling for them there'd be no need for this thread!

Labhras wrote:

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

that's a sad story. he might have gotten the hint, but it wouldn't of helped him to stop liking you. if knowing that someone wasn't interested in you was enough to stop you feeling for them there'd be no need for this thread!

yeah but the rationale should be to *just* move on. i guess we're stupider than that sometimes, hey? at least i am i mean, my master plan is still to become some amazing singer-songwriter

all you can do is just wait by the moon pal!

Quote :

The fact that she said yes to being your grad date is a good sign.

Agreed. I assume she already knows you don't have a job, etc. and she still said yes.

The story slightly confused me. It sounded like you are in a situation that could turn into something but you're making up reasons why it won't work out that are all based on assumptions about how she feels.

Quote :

we can't really date anyone else.

What? Why not?

Quote :

there's a good chance that it wouldn't work out and i would mess things up for grad.

How do you know it won't work out with her? Also I am pretty sure people date and still manage to get good grades and graduate even if they have a bf/gf.

Quote :

she wants a grad date but i want to go with her and there's a difference

What? I don't know what this means.

All she did was say yes to one date. Let's not jump ahead, ya know what I mean?

yeah i guess instead of all that i could have summed it up by saying that i was scared... and i probably am making up excuses but i've just thought about it so much that i'm having a tough time getting my thoughts straight. all i really do is think until what should be clear is a bit more muddy. i really do appreciate people caring enough to respond though!

as far as the whole car/job thing goes... she has both and i guess i might have some pride problems in kinda limiting what we can do and stuff... again probably just a mental thing.

and all i meant by the grad date thing was that i was there when she listed off ten people in the room who she would go to grad with... i don't think i'm "jumping ahead" (not really sure what that means ) there

again, thanks to everyone for responding!

WingsForWheels wrote:

Labhras wrote:

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

that's a sad story. he might have gotten the hint, but it wouldn't of helped him to stop liking you. if knowing that someone wasn't interested in you was enough to stop you feeling for them there'd be no need for this thread!

yeah but the rationale should be to *just* move on. i guess we're stupider than that sometimes, hey? at least i am i mean, my master plan is still to become some amazing singer-songwriter

that's not stupid to believe in your dreams!

Labhras wrote:

steph wrote:

erm...he just finally realized i didn't like him that way and was really upset and said he couldn't be friends with me anymore and i felt so bad for hurting him. i didn't mean to hurt him, i just had such low self esteem that i couldn't believe someone would like me like that, that even despite everyone we knew telling me how he felt about me, i couldn't bring myself to bring it up with him, and he certainly wasn't bringing it up with me. i tried talking about other guys to him, but he just never got the hint. guys never seem to get the hint, whether you're trying to hint that you are interested in them or that you aren't!

that's a sad story. he might have gotten the hint, but it wouldn't of helped him to stop liking you. if knowing that someone wasn't interested in you was enough to stop you feeling for them there'd be no need for this thread!

and thus concludes stephanie's story time. i come in here being all sarcastic and somehow you guys get me spilling my life's stories!