romance issues

Been gone for a week, so a quick update please: how's Jimmy doing?

mingus wrote:

Been gone for a week, so a quick update please: how's Jimmy doing?

SAME

mingus wrote:

Been gone for a week, so a quick update please: how's Jimmy doing?

Just as bad as usual.

So pissed off with myself right now.

Christophe wrote:

So pissed off with myself right now.

what's wrong?

steph wrote:

Christophe wrote:

So pissed off with myself right now.

what's wrong?

I should have maybe put this in drunk thread but it's 'romance' related so I put it here. I met a girl last night and she seemed really nice and looking back now I could tell she liked me but at the time I guess I was oblivious to the fact that she did genuinely like me. Anyway nothing happened and I am just annoyed and frustrated at myself that I just seem to have lost the self-belief to attract girls. My confidence levels go up and down like a yo-yo and it's so frustrating. I met a girl a couple of years ago who to me was perfect and it seems now that I am constantly judging every other girl by her and that's not helping either because no one seems to come close to her. I think the bottom line with me is I need to find some self-belief from somewhere.

You sound like you have enough confidence to at least talk to girls and come across confident enough that they are attracted to you though, so that's a start!

I might be going out on a limb here but in a weird way it sounds to me like you're not ready for a relationship. Only because saying to yourself "No one will ever be as good as the other girl" sounds like an excuse not to try with someone else. Because logically, there will be other girls who are as good if not better than that girl. And obviously she's not that great if she's not with you now

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

You sound like you have enough confidence to at least talk to girls and come across confident enough that they are attracted to you though, so that's a start!

I might be going out on a limb here but in a weird way it sounds to me like you're not ready for a relationship. Only because saying to yourself "No one will ever be as good as the other girl" sounds like an excuse not to try with someone else. Because logically, there will be other girls who are as good if not better than that girl. And obviously she's not that great if she's not with you now

Thanks for the response NeverTrustAJunkie, yeah I think you're right with pretty much everything you've said. I don't think I am ready for a relationship really and that is probably at the back of my mind when talking to girls. I am in my last year of university so I guess I don't want to get too involved with someone who I won't see again after a couple more months. I think I just think too much in these situations most of the time instead of just acting natural and going with the flow if you know what I mean. That first sentence you said means a lot and that is something I need to bear in mind and just believe in myself more. The problem I guess is until fairly recently I have never really had much attention from girls so I don't expect them to be attracted to me and then I'll often think that a girl is just being 'nice' if she's talking to me and not genuinely interested in me which was definitely the case last night. Self-belief I think is the key and is something I am constantly searching for. I'm still kicking myself about last night as well.

At least there was a girl interested in you.

JimmyB wrote:

At least there was a girl interested in you.

I bet he just snaps his fingers and they come at him, JUST LIKE THAT

JimmyB wrote:

At least there was a girl interested in you.

Shut up, Jimmy.

Shut the hell up.

For the record,...it was not meant to be negative! It was meant to be positive!

but we don't understand when you're being positive, this is an issue

Yeah, I guess it is. I just could really use something positive...before anyone says buy a hooker/stripper...NO THANK YOU! Not attracted to the type of Girl who would resort to that to get attention.

JimmyB wrote:

Yeah, I guess it is. I just could really use something positive...before anyone says buy a hooker/stripper...NO THANK YOU! Not attracted to the type of Girl who would resort to that to get attention.

But, boobs.

BUT I DIDN'T SAY A THING

Christophe wrote:

steph wrote:

Christophe wrote:

So pissed off with myself right now.

what's wrong?

I should have maybe put this in drunk thread but it's 'romance' related so I put it here. I met a girl last night and she seemed really nice and looking back now I could tell she liked me but at the time I guess I was oblivious to the fact that she did genuinely like me. Anyway nothing happened and I am just annoyed and frustrated at myself that I just seem to have lost the self-belief to attract girls. My confidence levels go up and down like a yo-yo and it's so frustrating. I met a girl a couple of years ago who to me was perfect and it seems now that I am constantly judging every other girl by her and that's not helping either because no one seems to come close to her. I think the bottom line with me is I need to find some self-belief from somewhere.

aww, that sucks. yeah i agree with NeverTrustAJunkie, if you are still stuck on one girl, it's not fair to sort of use another girl to get over her. i know what you mean about lacking self confidence, being confident is easier said than done, so i don't know if anyone can tell you how to be more confident. but i'm sure you're a great catch, just have a little faith in yourself! don't be too upset with yourself, just learn from the experience!

Thanks Steph There's plenty more fish in the sea right? That's how I am trying to think about it now. I'm not going to waste the next opportunity that comes along. That's a promise

Christophe wrote:

Thanks Steph There's plenty more fish in the sea right? That's how I am trying to think about it now. I'm not going to waste the next opportunity that comes along. That's a promise

that reminds me of the saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new" haha. not saying that's true, it just reminded me of that!

steph wrote:

Christophe wrote:

Thanks Steph There's plenty more fish in the sea right? That's how I am trying to think about it now. I'm not going to waste the next opportunity that comes along. That's a promise

that reminds me of the saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new" haha. not saying that's true, it just reminded me of that!

Haha I've not heard that one before. Guess it applies though

Christophe wrote:

I met a girl a couple of years ago who to me was perfect and it seems now that I am constantly judging every other girl by her and that's not helping either because no one seems to come close to her. I think the bottom line with me is I need to find some self-belief from somewhere.

Were you ever together with that girl (so that you could see her own flaws and imperfections), or did she always remain something like a fantasy to you?

By the way, credits to NeverTrustAJunkie: I don't think you have ever said anything stupid in this topic. You really have a talent of talking some sense and confidence into people and of being to the point. Even in conversations that were about completely different people you have said things that made sense to me as well. So thank you for that

Harbortown wrote:

JimmyB wrote:

At least there was a girl interested in you.

Shut up, Jimmy.

Shut the hell up.

Please stop being so funny. I almost choked on my gum laughing. It's true, we've gotten so used to the "your life doesn't suck as much as mine" attitude that it's automatically how we process your posts JimmyB! D'oh! But let's focus on someone else for a few posts, shall we?


I get how you feel Christophe. It's a vicious cycle though. Because you'll automatically assume the person's not interested and therefore you won't flirt back because you don't want to be rejected by someone you've convinced yourself doesn't like you. Then that person won't pursue you any further cus they think you're not interested and it's a big FAIL for everyone.

Honestly I don't know if anyone actually knows how to totally relax when an attractive person they're interested in is talking to them. Butterflies are normal.

Your reasons for not wanting to get involved actually sound reasonable to me. However you could meet someone that lives in your area too so ya know, don't shut everyone down

Steph- the thought behind the saying is true though you don't have to like, sleep with the person! haha One time I made plans with another guy just to go to a show and that alone was enough for me to snap out of the woe-is-me vortex I was in because of the previous dude.

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Harbortown wrote:

JimmyB wrote:

At least there was a girl interested in you.

Shut up, Jimmy.

Shut the hell up.

Please stop being so funny. I almost choked on my gum laughing. It's true, we've gotten so used to the "your life doesn't suck as much as mine" attitude that it's automatically how we process your posts JimmyB! D'oh! But let's focus on someone else for a few posts, shall we?


I get how you feel Christophe. It's a vicious cycle though. Because you'll automatically assume the person's not interested and therefore you won't flirt back because you don't want to be rejected by someone you've convinced yourself doesn't like you. Then that person won't pursue you any further cus they think you're not interested and it's a big FAIL for everyone.

Honestly I don't know if anyone actually knows how to totally relax when an attractive person they're interested in is talking to them. Butterflies are normal.

Your reasons for not wanting to get involved actually sound reasonable to me. However you could meet someone that lives in your area too so ya know, don't shut everyone down

Steph- the thought behind the saying is true though you don't have to like, sleep with the person! haha One time I made plans with another guy just to go to a show and that alone was enough for me to snap out of the woe-is-me vortex I was in because of the previous dude.

that's true! just force yourself to get out there and live your life, sitting around moping doesn't help! speaking from experience! the first time i got my heart broken, i couldn't do anything but lay on the couch for like two weeks. but then i got out and started hanging out with new people, made out with someone new, realized life goes on...

mingus wrote:

By the way, credits to NeverTrustAJunkie: I don't think you have ever said anything stupid in this topic. You really have a talent of talking some sense and confidence into people and of being to the point. Even in conversations that were about completely different people you have said things that made sense to me as well. So thank you for that

Thanks! I think the advice I've seen all of you give is great as well.

You just have to be brutally honest with yourself and try to live in reality instead of make up excuses for yours and other people's behaviors. But that takes a bunch of self work that doesn't happen overnight!

steph wrote:

that's true! just force yourself to get out there and live your life, sitting around moping doesn't help! speaking from experience! the first time i got my heart broken, i couldn't do anything but lay on the couch for like two weeks. but then i got out and started hanging out with new people, made out with someone new, realized life goes on...

Exactly! No person is the be-all end-all. At the time it's hard to see it that way of course. Like I said, even making casual plans with someone new gets you on the path of "Oh yeah, that's right. There's other people besides him/her that I'll click with and like!"