romance issues

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

There are so many reasons why awesome people are single. It's something that only the single person can solve. Sometimes people subconsciously want to be single (either they're too afraid of finding something serious or they actually just like single life but didn't realize it). People get into relationships all the time just to feel validated as a person when actually they want to be single but maybe family/friends made them feel they suck at life if they don't have a mate... humans are complicated.

I also had a thought JimmyB- maybe you could start inviting girls to your shows. Maybe not technically as The Date, but just to be social. "Hey I'm playing (day). Why don't you come out?" Once they see you up there being confident and doing something a ton of people can't do (getting up in front of a crowd), it might get them to think "Woah, there's more to this JimmyB than I thought." By just being the guy on stage instead of a crowd member, you'll automatically be the Alpha Male in the room without having to do anything. It's a start anyway I would think. Harbortown- your thoughts on this?

Steph- definitely. Once I read a post by someone advising someone else on these matters and they said to sit in a WalMart one day and check out the physical aspects of the couples that walk in as a reality check. Then you'll see that most couples aren't Brad and Angelina in the looks department.

haha, true

can we all just chip in to buy jimmyb a prostitute? no more headache for all of us!

steph wrote:

can we all just chip in to buy jimmyb a prostitute? no more headache for all of us!

Why didn't we think of that earlier?! You're a genius, Steph.

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Actually the only person who thinks badly of you Jimmy is, well, you. And, unfortunately it comes across.

Self fulfilling prophecy: "Any positive or negative expectation about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a person's behavior toward them in a manner that causes those expectations to be fulfilled."

You've trained yourself to think a girl's going to reject you and so you subconsciously start acting in a way that ensures she will do so. Maybe try thinking in the other direction- positively. Or, try therapy. Honestly. Because it doesn't seem like any of us are making an impact and it's been months now.

"Light up a person's soul and they will beat a path down to your door." Remember that. Telling all of us that unless we've been single our whole life, we can't possibly understand your pain is not exactly lighting up souls. Brian Fallon- he lights up souls. Why? Because he brings joy to people's day through awesome music. Maybe you could do that with your music. It's a start. I don't know why I keep bringing Brian into discussions. It's a Gaslight board after all. Anyway...!

I think as an exercise you should write 10 things you LIKE about yourself.

Excellent advice!

steph wrote:

can we all just chip in to buy jimmyb a prostitute? no more headache for all of us!

Put me down for 20.

I'm serious about the therapy though. Because if these depressing posts are reaching into your Facebook page too, then it makes me think this is all a cry for help that someone should fix you and that's never ever going to happen. And only you can fix you.

Another idea- why don't you give that girl that actually likes you a chance? Then if you like her you'll have a girlfriend and all your problems will be solved. Otherwise this whole production seems like a classic case of fear of intimacy: chasing after girls who are not for you and rejecting the ones who do want to give you a chance. People who really want a relationship are totally open minded. Unless this girl is a total freak of nature, smells bad, has an obnoxious personality and has murderous/psycho tendencies then I think you should go out with her.

I'm also serious about the music stuff. Put all your sadness/depression into lyrics. I bet you come up with something good. Good music=girls flocking to shows.

I think seeing someone would be a great idea Jimmy. There are many counselors and resources you can find that are not very expensive and can help you feel better about yourself.

WHen you're the best version of yourself possible, then you'll feel confident and will attract people you would like to be in.

If you don't love yourself, it sure is hard to find somebody who will love you too.

Don't worry about other people, just be the best person you can be and work to be proud of who you are.

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

I'm serious about the therapy though. Because if these depressing posts are reaching into your Facebook page too, then it makes me think this is all a cry for help that someone should fix you and that's never ever going to happen. And only you can fix you.

Another idea- why don't you give that girl that actually likes you a chance? Then if you like her you'll have a girlfriend and all your problems will be solved. Otherwise this whole production seems like a classic case of fear of intimacy: chasing after girls who are not for you and rejecting the ones who do want to give you a chance. People who really want a relationship are totally open minded. Unless this girl is a total freak of nature, smells bad, has an obnoxious personality and has murderous/psycho tendencies then I think you should go out with her.

I'm also serious about the music stuff. Put all your sadness/depression into lyrics. I bet you come up with something good. Good music=girls flocking to shows.

she is a bit of a psycho...

There goes that idea.

Look at it this way- it's a sign that you will meet girls who will like you. Just a matter of whether you'll like them.

rkirkpatrick25 wrote:

I think seeing someone would be a great idea Jimmy. There are many counselors and resources you can find that are not very expensive and can help you feel better about yourself.

WHen you're the best version of yourself possible, then you'll feel confident and will attract people you would like to be in.

If you don't love yourself, it sure is hard to find somebody who will love you too.

Don't worry about other people, just be the best person you can be and work to be proud of who you are.

As Darryl from the Office says "Be your best self."

Another question-

How did you find out that girl didn't want to date until after college? Did she just volunteer the information or did you ask her to be your girlfriend...?

This reminds me of the Stan video by Emimen - no offence tho!

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Another question-

How did you find out that girl didn't want to date until after college? Did she just volunteer the information or did you ask her to be your girlfriend...?

Asked her Ex. After she started to ignore me.

stepsandnumbers wrote:

steph wrote:

can we all just chip in to buy jimmyb a prostitute? no more headache for all of us!

Why didn't we think of that earlier?! You're a genius, Steph.

problem solved!

JimmyB wrote:

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Another question-

How did you find out that girl didn't want to date until after college? Did she just volunteer the information or did you ask her to be your girlfriend...?

Asked her Ex. After she started to ignore me.

Which leads me to the next questions:

1. Why wouldn't you just ask her directly what's up. From my memory, the time that elapsed between the actual date and the day you posted she didn't want to date anyone wasn't that long. What made you think she was ignoring you?

2. Why would you think the ex-bf would say anything to encourage you to date his ex-girlfriend?

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

JimmyB wrote:

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Another question-

How did you find out that girl didn't want to date until after college? Did she just volunteer the information or did you ask her to be your girlfriend...?

Asked her Ex. After she started to ignore me.

Which leads me to the next questions:

1. Why wouldn't you just ask her directly what's up. From my memory, the time that elapsed between the actual date and the day you posted she didn't want to date anyone wasn't that long. What made you think she was ignoring you?

2. Why would you think the ex-bf would say anything to encourage you to date his ex-girlfriend?

The fact that she was not responding to anything I posted on her facebook,when I know for a fact she was online kind of gave it away

The Ex is my best friend...who already has a wonderful girlfriend...so why would he say anything negative?

JimmyB wrote:

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

JimmyB wrote:

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

Another question-

How did you find out that girl didn't want to date until after college? Did she just volunteer the information or did you ask her to be your girlfriend...?

Asked her Ex. After she started to ignore me.

Which leads me to the next questions:

1. Why wouldn't you just ask her directly what's up. From my memory, the time that elapsed between the actual date and the day you posted she didn't want to date anyone wasn't that long. What made you think she was ignoring you?

2. Why would you think the ex-bf would say anything to encourage you to date his ex-girlfriend?

The fact that she was not responding to anything I posted on her facebook,when I know for a fact she was online kind of gave it away

The Ex is my best friend...who already has a wonderful girlfriend...so why would he say anything negative?

whoaaa...you were trying to date your best friend's exgirlfriend?

Bad Jimmy. Isn't there something in the Bro Code about that?

Camus wrote:

Bad Jimmy. Isn't there something in the Bro Code about that?

He was dating her MONTHS ago....Besides they are still friends.

BRO CODE.

bad bad bad.

JimmyB wrote:

Camus wrote:

Bad Jimmy. Isn't there something in the Bro Code about that?

He was dating her MONTHS ago....Besides they are still friends.

maybe why that's why she said she didn't want to date now...she went into the date thinking you were just friends, not imagining you could possible be asking her out!

I would KILL any one of my friends that tried to date any of my exes, even the guys I don't want anything to do with anymore. It would have to be like, YEARS, not months before I could ever be even semi-ok with the idea and even then it'd have to be a girl I'm not that close with for me to be semi-ok. I can't imagine my best friend doing something like that. I would feel so betrayed. Maybe it's different with guys. I don't know.

What made you ask her out in the first place? Even though it's been months, I feel like that's not that long in Romance World.

I have a feeling there's a lot more to these rejections other than "Yet another one put me in the friend zone. FML." I bet details are missing that would probably make everything crystal clear as to why some of these things didn't work out. Sorry dude. :\

Quote :

maybe why that's why she said she didn't want to date now...she went into the date thinking you were just friends, not imagining you could possible be asking her out!

Right, like she didn't think it was a date so she agreed to it but somehow got the impression you thought of it as a date and decided to ignore you rather than just say to you herself that she's not up for a boyfriend. Which would be on her in my opinion. Don't accept a date if you know you don't want to date!

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

I would KILL any one of my friends that tried to date any of my exes, even the guys I don't want anything to do with anymore. I can't imagine my best friend doing something like that. I would feel so betrayed. Maybe it's different with guys. I don't know.

What made you ask her out in the first place? Even though it's been months, I feel like that's not that long in Romance World.

I have a feeling there's a lot more to these rejections other than "Yet another one put me in the friend zone. FML." I bet details are missing that would probably make everything crystal clear as to why some of these things didn't work out. Sorry dude. :\

Quote :

maybe why that's why she said she didn't want to date now...she went into the date thinking you were just friends, not imagining you could possible be asking her out!

Right, like she didn't think it was a date so she agreed to it but somehow got the impression you thought of it as a date and decided to ignore you rather than just say to you herself that she's not up for a boyfriend. Which would be on her in my opinion. Don't accept a date if you know you don't want to date!

yeah, i guess we'd need more details to issue a verdict. i think it is less of a deal with guys to date a friend's ex, but again, it depends on how long they dated, how serious the relationship was. personally, i would not want to sleep with someone my friend had slept with.

and yeah, just count it as her loss that she doesn't want to date!

Quote :

personally, i would not want to sleep with someone my friend had slept with.

And that too! Not to mention super amounts of jealousy if things worked out with the person when they didn't work out with me. Plus the guys I don't talk to anymore were kinda jackass-y so I'd also question the friend's sanity as to why they'd think they would enjoy their company in the first place knowing they were a jerk to me.