romance issues

plugga wrote:

It's because you're swedish idk

Nothing like that scandinavian charm. Maybe he should invite her over for meatballs.

Good point. We're basically better than all other guys.

StopAndSlideToTheRight wrote:

plugga wrote:

It's because you're swedish idk

Nothing like that scandinavian charm. Maybe he should invite her over for meatballs.

But I don't want to! That would only increase her incentive to flirt.

Lol yeah the scandinavian charm!
I don't know if you're better but you're generally better looking for sure

Harbortown wrote:

StopAndSlideToTheRight wrote:

plugga wrote:

It's because you're swedish idk

Nothing like that scandinavian charm. Maybe he should invite her over for meatballs.

But I don't want to! That would only increase her incentive to flirt.

Then overcook them and say they're the best you've ever made, she surely only wants a man who can cook.

StopAndSlideToTheRight wrote:

Harbortown wrote:

StopAndSlideToTheRight wrote:

plugga wrote:

It's because you're swedish idk

Nothing like that scandinavian charm. Maybe he should invite her over for meatballs.

But I don't want to! That would only increase her incentive to flirt.

Then overcook them and say they're the best you've ever made, she surely only wants a man who can cook.

Overcook them?

What an absolutely horrendous, vile plan. You are going to hell for even suggesting that. I would never betray my country like that!

I am now hereby officially stating my intent to sleep.

Good night.

Harbortown wrote:

StopAndSlideToTheRight wrote:

Harbortown wrote:

StopAndSlideToTheRight wrote:

plugga wrote:

It's because you're swedish idk

Nothing like that scandinavian charm. Maybe he should invite her over for meatballs.

But I don't want to! That would only increase her incentive to flirt.

Then overcook them and say they're the best you've ever made, she surely only wants a man who can cook.

Overcook them?

What an absolutely horrendous, vile plan. You are going to hell for even suggesting that. I would never betray my country like that!

Fair enough, it'd be a disgrace to burn fondue as well!

It's so annoying when feelings are out in the open and aren't mutual. Everything goes to hell unless you get space from each other. Like, a year of space.

Yeah there is something in the water out there. I met Chris from the Hives and was like "He is possibly the most perfect looking man I've ever seen."

people still use msn messenger?

It's way better than Facebook chatting, which is clunky, slow and annoying.

I can relate to a lot of what has been said in this thread so I thought I may as well share my story. I have never been great with girls and it is the most frustrating thing I've ever known. There's been three or four girls I've met and immediately felt some kind of connection with. Problem is every one of these girls had a boyfriend at the time so there was never really an opportunity to try and make something out of it particularly as whenever I saw these girls they were generally with their boyfriend anyway. It's like every time I find something good someone has always got there first and there's nothing I can do about it.

I met a girl last summer as I was out with my mate and she was a friend of a friend. She was with her boyfriend but I got on really well with her and she even asked me for my number. I never saw her after that night though as I met her not long before going back to uni. I couldn't stop thinking about her for months afterwards as I'd never met anyone like her before and meeting her was literally like a scene out of a TGA song. I guess I just have these romantic ideas whenever I meet a girl like Rachel and then nothing ever comes of it as there is always someone in the way. In general I don't seem to get any attention from girls anyway although I don't think I'm that bad looking as I go to the gym and look after myself. I think I just find it hard to connect with girls and be relaxed and completely be myself around them. I can relate to Brian so much in that I'm not the loudest guy and I'm not a big social partyer or drinker and his music is definitely influential in how I see things in life. I just wish I had his kind of charisma and talent to be honest.

Well, Right now I am talking with said girl who started all this when I confessed my feelings, so I guess her still talking to me( mostly small talk) is a good sign huh>?

JimmyB wrote:

Well, Right now I am talking with said girl who started all this when I confessed my feelings, so I guess her still talking to me( mostly small talk) is a good sign huh>?

Not to sound blunt or anything, but its better than nothing like! Wish ya luck man

JimmyB wrote:

Well, Right now I am talking with said girl who started all this when I confessed my feelings, so I guess her still talking to me( mostly small talk) is a good sign huh>?

I'd say that's a good thing! Maybe she just never thought about you like that before and now just needs some time to sort things out in her mind.

My problem is perhaps of a lesser order, but I am totally in love with a girl who thinks The Boss and Gaslight are fucking lame. What to do?

"She doesn’t like my clothes and she doesn’t like my songs, but she’s still my mademoiselle"?

I would not see the above as too big of a problem , common interests do matter but wanting the person to be more like you when they aren't can lead to problems.

loazis wrote:

My problem is perhaps of a lesser order, but I am totally in love with a girl who thinks The Boss and Gaslight are fucking lame. What to do?

First of all, define wheter it is a physical attraction or not, sometimes I find myself lost in girls just for their taste in music, other times just by their looks. It is worth mentioning, I get lost real fast. (or I used too).
So that's my first tip, find out; what is it about this girl that is attracting me. (it will help you later on, this girl or the next)

Next, find out what you share, this might be easier said than done, but don't worry. My best tip is, if you can't find a common thing straight of the bat, create something you can share. This is what I unintenionally did with my first GF. It gives you two something to share (a conversation starter), and also, let it be something fun. It's easy psychology, girls want to have someone who makes them happy. My first GF, we created a game called fanatsy golf one night when we were both drunk. In the end it's just golf Roleplaying, you bring the clubs, but no golfballs, and play, and imagine where the balls go etc etc.

I feel like I'm giving a recipie for getting girls here (atleast that's my experience from it), but I trust you guys. Anyways, don't do anything that don't feel natural too you. The worst thing you can probably do is "lie" (by "lie" I mean, give a different picture of who you are than who you really are), this is not to be misunderstood with challenging yourself as this is one of the most important things about relationships.

Chances are you won't hit (find the right one) on the first try, perhaps not on the second or the third either, but sooner or later you will develope a taste, or an understanding of what kind of person you'd like to be with. This is what matters.

And in the end, I'm certainly not a good tip giver, I'm as lost as most of you, but I'm just sharing some tips of my own. The girl I'm insterested in, I know hardly anything about, has a boyfriend, but still won't leave my mind alone. Perhaps it's just physical (I unintentionally try to avoid that thought as much as possible), but I feel there is something about here. Perhaps some of you've felt it with someone, and in the past, the feeling has turned out to be a good starting point for a relationship (friends or of more serious matter)

But anyways I'm drunk, have a pleasant evening, and excuse me for all the typos have a good one guys

I dunno, that's such a funny thing. Sometimes stuff like that matters and sometimes it doesn't.

I was with a guy who was safe. He never would have hit me, cheated on me (technically), and was generally a good person. Cared about his family, stuff like that. Yet he despised my obsession with TGA and THC (even though the THC album had not been released at this point) he said I was too into "hipster" music.

I can't be with someone who doesn't care about the same music, or doesn't care about music in general (and other interests too). I'm not saying that I need someone who is exactly the same as myself, but I want someone I can have passionate conversations with, go to shows with, and talk about things we're both interested in. I tend to withdraw from anyone, no matter the type of relationship, if I feel that the other person doesn't "get" me.

Maybe that's a personal flaw of mine. I mean, if someone is a great person but can't agree about certain things the other is passionate about - maybe that fuels a fire in the relationship for some... but it drives me away.

Well guess what...after I said my feelings...the said girl is now going out with my best friend? does not beat the topper though....I went out with a girl once....she turned Bi The next day, (No problems with Bi/gay/lesbian/etc)

JimmyB wrote:

Well guess what...after I said my feelings...the said girl is now going out with my best friend?

That's a tough one, it happened to me twice.

Once in high school, once earlier this year. You'll live, buddy, just keep trying.

couple that on top of me throwing out my back...and it was not a good day for me.

JimmyB, because you're a Dimestore Saint I'm going to give you some tough love- get rid of this girl. You're wasting your time. Cus even if she breaks up with this dude, she'll just come back to you for attention until some other future guy shows up and then she'll go out with him. I know this because she's already done it once to you.

You're better than this! I know there's a nice girl out there somewhere for you!

[/harshfeedback.again]

Christophe wrote:

I can relate to a lot of what has been said in this thread so I thought I may as well share my story. I have never been great with girls and it is the most frustrating thing I've ever known. There's been three or four girls I've met and immediately felt some kind of connection with. Problem is every one of these girls had a boyfriend at the time so there was never really an opportunity to try and make something out of it particularly as whenever I saw these girls they were generally with their boyfriend anyway. It's like every time I find something good someone has always got there first and there's nothing I can do about it.

I met a girl last summer as I was out with my mate and she was a friend of a friend. She was with her boyfriend but I got on really well with her and she even asked me for my number. I never saw her after that night though as I met her not long before going back to uni. I couldn't stop thinking about her for months afterwards as I'd never met anyone like her before and meeting her was literally like a scene out of a TGA song. I guess I just have these romantic ideas whenever I meet a girl like Rachel and then nothing ever comes of it as there is always someone in the way. In general I don't seem to get any attention from girls anyway although I don't think I'm that bad looking as I go to the gym and look after myself. I think I just find it hard to connect with girls and be relaxed and completely be myself around them. I can relate to Brian so much in that I'm not the loudest guy and I'm not a big social partyer or drinker and his music is definitely influential in how I see things in life. I just wish I had his kind of charisma and talent to be honest.

It's perhaps a little bit late to answer on your post, but I'd like to say that a lot of what you say reminds me of myself. Except the fact that I do drink, that helps sometimes But the thing that I think is crucial to your story here, is that the girls you aren't great with, are not really the girls you are destined to be with. If you say that you have had a connection with some girls, it means that you càn be cool around them, that you can be the person you want yourself to be. The fact that they already have a boyfriend, only proves that you have had some real bad luck.

I don't think you should feel sorry for having romantic ideas when you know you meet someone special. It's a shame that it never seems to work out, but if you stay honest to yourself, you'll realize that having these romantic ideas is just a part of your personality. There's no point in changing all that in the hope of once having the luck that others seem to have. I'm not going to feed you some "everything is going to be OK" crap/cliché (because I just don't think that's how life works), but just make sure that you can be happy with yourself: if there are things that need to be changed (and can be), change them. Think about yourself and how you act, but don't lie to yourself about who you are. And about the girl that you never saw again: if you didn't have any chance to end up with her, perhaps not meeting her again was the best (or the least painful) thing that could happen to you. It gives you the opportunity to really forget her and move on with your life.

But I know that everything I have written here is easier said than done. I deliberately didn't add any new messages here the last two weeks, as the whole thing I'm going through (to be found in my previous posts, the essential part being: my falling in love with one of my best friends, she obviously not reciprocating it) was turning out to be more painful than I ever could imagine. I don't think I ever doubted myself as much as I did the last few weeks. I had/have the feeling I even failed at being the rejected guy, as I find it so fucking difficult to be around her. One night, we had the most painful discussion ever (bottom line: she got irritated with me not being able to move past this, with me wanting to talk about it over and over, with me kind of ruining some nice party evenings), and I promised not to give her any more crap like that. But then a few nights later, I tried to be the best friend imaginable, not mentioning our situation in any possible way, and just trying to have fun. We talked about going to a concert together, had a lot of drinks, seemed to have fun. But then at the end of the night she took me apart and said that it couldn't go on like this, that we couldn't go to concerts together,... I had no idea where that came from (she was kind of drunk, which might be part of the explanation). But if I'm doing things wrong without me even knowing that I'm doing them wrong, then the whole situation seems to be more fucked up than ever. I haven't really spoken to her since (not about the situation, and not about random things/small-talk either), but my nights are so weird: everytime I go to my favourite bar, I enter in fear of her being there and me having no fucking clue what to say. If she isn't there, I feel relieved but keep looking around, frightened, as if she might enter any minute. I saw her a few days ago, couldn't really say a lot more than "hello" and saw in her eyes how awkward the situation was. It ended up with me leaving literally a minute later and going to another bar. Luckily, that was the only time I've seen her this week, but it sucks so much that I can't be normal around her (even though I still like her very much), that things will probably never be the same again. That I can't go to my own favourite bar without feeling uncomfortable there. That I have no clue what-so-ever about how she feels about me now, about how she expects me to behave. Things get so fucking complicated, and trust me, Christophe: I would love nothing more than to be in your situation of not having to see her again. That would hurt as well (as said, I still like her very much), but at least thàt would go away. Knowing it won't work out and still having to see her on a regular base really sucks.

Anyway, sorry for the long story and the drama, no one has to read it, but if feels nice to talk about it in an anonymous fashion though

To simplify-
If it's the right girl/boy for you, you're not going to feel like crap about yourself all the time. If you do, he/she is not the one.

On some level we grow up thinking love is torture. It's not. My friend's Mom once told me when she met her husband, everything was just so easy. It's not a series of games, chasing, fighting and extensive conversations about the status of your relationship. And they definitely don't date your best friend or tell you to get lost when they're drunk and make you feel like a loser no matter what you do.

Scenarios I've come across when feelings aren't mutual either on their end or mine. See if this sounds familiar:

-Scenario 1: You both kid yourselves you can still stay friends. But then their guilt over not liking you back coupled with your horrible feelings of rejection come together for an explosive demise. What was once happy, flirty fun has now become a vortex of nausea and moping.

-Scenario 2: They take advantage of your attention and make you their go-to person for an ego boost (this can range from tricking you into listening to their problems for hours to a misguided hookup). But if you take all this as a sign of hope and announce you still have feelings, they turn it on you like you're the one messing things up, completely ignoring the fact they're basically confusing you and leading you on.

I'm sure there are some exceptions, but rarely. At least in my experience.