romance issues

School, or work are good places. shows are decent enough.

plugga wrote:

exactly!
plus happened to me twice this year that the guy I liked started liking me only once I was finally over him

Same thing kinda happened me, a year or so ago I really liked this girl and we were kinda close as friends, only I never told her that i liked her like that. Then she got a boyfriend and went steady with him for about a year, during which time we stayed as friends but I got over her 'romantically.'

During the summer she started dating my best friend on and off, which I was fine with. Until about a month or so ago I was out drinking in a bar and she came up to me and started asking if I liked her as more of a friend or if I ever liked her like that and that sorta stuff, so basically I told her that I did like her only I got over it because she had her bf and I wanted her to be happy. I could kinda tell from her reaction that it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she seemed to put on a brave face and then tried to brush it off as if it was what she wanted to hear. Anyway since then I;ve thought more and more about her and everytime I see them together I feel jealous or something, its sooo frustrating

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

exactly!
plus happened to me twice this year that the guy I liked started liking me only once I was finally over him

Same thing kinda happened me, a year or so ago I really liked this girl and we were kinda close as friends, only I never told her that i liked her like that. Then she got a boyfriend and went steady with him for about a year, during which time we stayed as friends but I got over her 'romantically.'

During the summer she started dating my best friend on and off, which I was fine with. Until about a month or so ago I was out drinking in a bar and she came up to me and started asking if I liked her as more of a friend or if I ever liked her like that and that sorta stuff, so basically I told her that I did like her only I got over it because she had her bf and I wanted her to be happy. I could kinda tell from her reaction that it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she seemed to put on a brave face and then tried to brush it off as if it was what she wanted to hear. Anyway since then I;ve thought more and more about her and everytime I see them together I feel jealous or something, its sooo frustrating

Fan of the song Backstreets by Springsteen? But seriously, I have had that happen to me as well...minus the girl asking me if I ever felt anything romantically about her.

Backstreets is one of my favourite Boss tunes. appropriatley i guess haha

Yeah, the whole thing sucks really doesn't it? I still get on fine with them both, its just really hard for me to be around them while they're being all couple-y.

today i formed a band called Romance Issues with my friends. i'll let you guys know if anything half decent comes out of it.

oh, and keep your head up JimmyB.

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

exactly!
plus happened to me twice this year that the guy I liked started liking me only once I was finally over him

Same thing kinda happened me, a year or so ago I really liked this girl and we were kinda close as friends, only I never told her that i liked her like that. Then she got a boyfriend and went steady with him for about a year, during which time we stayed as friends but I got over her 'romantically.'

During the summer she started dating my best friend on and off, which I was fine with. Until about a month or so ago I was out drinking in a bar and she came up to me and started asking if I liked her as more of a friend or if I ever liked her like that and that sorta stuff, so basically I told her that I did like her only I got over it because she had her bf and I wanted her to be happy. I could kinda tell from her reaction that it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she seemed to put on a brave face and then tried to brush it off as if it was what she wanted to hear. Anyway since then I;ve thought more and more about her and everytime I see them together I feel jealous or something, its sooo frustrating

it's my favorite part when they come back convinced that I'm going to magically fall into their arms. SILLY MEN.

Listen to Elsie , take out all of the romantic imagery and you might have something that is similar to my romance issues.

plugga wrote:

it's my favorite part when they come back convinced that I'm going to magically fall into their arms. SILLY MEN.

Yeah us guys are kinda suckers for that sometimes, I've noticed we're either real cocky or completley uncertain about relationships/romance issues.etc.

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

it's my favorite part when they come back convinced that I'm going to magically fall into their arms. SILLY MEN.

Yeah us guys are kinda suckers for that sometimes, I've noticed we're either real cocky or completley uncertain about relationships/romance issues.etc.

first step is admitting it, congrats hahah

plugga wrote:

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

it's my favorite part when they come back convinced that I'm going to magically fall into their arms. SILLY MEN.

Yeah us guys are kinda suckers for that sometimes, I've noticed we're either real cocky or completley uncertain about relationships/romance issues.etc.

first step is admitting it, congrats hahah

Haha true, but I've never said which one i was haha

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

it's my favorite part when they come back convinced that I'm going to magically fall into their arms. SILLY MEN.

Yeah us guys are kinda suckers for that sometimes, I've noticed we're either real cocky or completley uncertain about relationships/romance issues.etc.

first step is admitting it, congrats hahah

Haha true, but I've never said which one i was haha

I can't tell which one is worse so don't tell me hahaha

plugga wrote:

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

Philo wrote:

plugga wrote:

it's my favorite part when they come back convinced that I'm going to magically fall into their arms. SILLY MEN.

Yeah us guys are kinda suckers for that sometimes, I've noticed we're either real cocky or completley uncertain about relationships/romance issues.etc.

first step is admitting it, congrats hahah

Haha true, but I've never said which one i was haha

I can't tell which one is worse so don't tell me hahaha

Haha I'll keep myelf a mystery then, wouldn't wanna dissapoint you with which one i am haha

I think some of it comes from who you're asking. Basically every idiot (male or female) I've ever met has managed to find someone, so there's definitely some truth to "There's someone for everyone."

Example: I know a trainwreck of a dude (high 24/7 on hard drugs and/or liquor, is a go-nowhere musician, and is really self-centered) who has no trouble getting girls. I think it's cus he attracts girls who have no self respect who'll tolerate his nonsense. Or, they're just girls who also like to be drugged out all day and are looking for someone to be drugged out with... Hm. Common emotional interest is key I guess.

PS congrats on even asking 20 girls in the first place. I say just keep asking and eventually you'll find someone who'll say yes. I don't know enough about you to tell where you might be going wrong. Like I said, it could be the girls you're asking, some vibe you give off when you ask... or you're asking idiots who don't appreciate a good dude (assuming you are one)!

Yeah seriously kudos on actually having asked 20 girls, that takes some balls.

I don't even think I've actually met a total of 20 guys that I would want to date. Being social is half the battle. Sincerely, GI Joe.

Harbortown wrote:

Yeah seriously kudos on actually having asked 20 girls, that takes some balls.

No shit.

No advice from me though, sorry. I'm bad with girls as well...

As Darryl from the Office would say "Be your best self."


Of the couples I know:

Two met in school
Two met online (Nerve.com and old-timey AOL chat)
Five met at work

If that helps (?) Let's put it this way, having self confidence plus getting out of the house and talking to people increases your odds.

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

I think some of it comes from who you're asking. Basically every idiot (male or female) I've ever met has managed to find someone, so there's definitely some truth to "There's someone for everyone."

Example: I know a trainwreck of a dude (high 24/7 on hard drugs and/or liquor, is a go-nowhere musician, and is really self-centered) who has no trouble getting girls. I think it's cus he attracts girls who have no self respect who'll tolerate his nonsense. Or, they're just girls who also like to be drugged out all day and are looking for someone to be drugged out with... Hm. Common emotional interest is key I guess.

Things like that make me wonder if being a good and correct person is the best option... Especially when I take a good look at two of my closest friends: one is now in a relationship with a girl who left her husband for him (he kind of broke them up), the other one jumps on everything that wears a skirt (except Scotsmen) and then leaves them the next day in order to return a few days or weeks later (and for some reason, they al-ways fall for it). These friends are not bad people (not at all), but they do things that I would never imagine myself doing. But where do they end up, and what do I get? When I look at the fucked up sitation I have been in for the last few weeks, I'm kind of doubting the whole "good things happen to good people"-concept. And with "good" I don't mean that I'm a magnificent person or something like that, I simply mean good as in "not doing things that one would consider immoral or dishonest - for example, I would never lie to a girl about my feelings in order to get what I want, or I would never stand in between people who have something going on". But where does being morally OK get you in the end? I have literally done nothing wrong to the people I care for, on the contrary: I've done the best I could to be someone they can rely on, to be someone that is worth loving. But for some reason that never seems to be right way to handle these kind of things, now matter how much effort you put into it. And it sucks.

Quote :

But where does being morally OK get you in the end?

It'll get you a quality mate. What comes around goes around and if you start trying anything else but being yourself, you'll just get games in return.

Quote :

But where do they end up, and what do I get?

They get a married woman who probably will bring a lot of drama with her to the relationship, and in the case of the other who jumps on everyone, a lot of meaningless nights that just end up with him alone in the morning anyway. You on the other hand get to live with yourself without feeling bad about life.

You have to be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want, and everything else will fall in line. You want a girlfriend/boyfriend? Start going out, get a profile up online, meet as many people as you can, ask your friends to set you up, etc. If you hit a loser boy/girl don't make excuses, just ditch them. It's really that simple.

No one has it easy in this department. Otherwise every song written would be about how awesome love is and everyone would land their first crush and immediately get married for life. Plus we'd have like, no Gaslight Anthem or Horrible Crowes songs.

NeverTrust has it right, It just hurts like crazy.

^ just be confident with the ladies. there is a big diff. between being a dick an being cool w the ladies. try, but don't try too hard. i"m self-conscious elough on my own, i can't imagine being a guy in that situation. good luck to you, someone is bound to say YES?!?!

Your reaction is about 100% correct, but it would make me feel better to say a few things extra

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:

You have to be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want, and everything else will fall in line. You want a girlfriend/boyfriend? Start going out, get a profile up online, meet as many people as you can, ask your friends to set you up, etc. If you hit a loser boy/girl don't make excuses, just ditch them. It's really that simple.

I think it's better that I tell the whole story in order to explain yesterday's message. It's not that I just want à girlfriend, I'm not interested in online dating profiles or something like that. I'm a more or less happy student with a quite fulfulling social life, I don't really have a lot of things to complain about. But: I was / still am deeply in love with one specific girl, who I coincidentally saw entering the room of the aforementioned guy (the one that jumps on everyone) two mornings ago. It sucks, 'cause it makes you doubt two things at the same time: love (or something you think might be love) and friendship. But the part that even sucks more, is that a few weeks ago I opened up to that girl, telling her exactly how I felt (knowing that she didn't feel the same thing) and asked her what the hell it was that I didn't have, but other people (like that guy) have. It wasn't even a rhetorical question, I seriously would like to know what I am doing wrong that makes girls like her like other people, who aren't nearly as compassionate or concerned about them as I am, more than me. I know that sounds kind of pathetic, but again: I always get the feeling that being a good and correct person isn't enough at all.

Quote :

No one has it easy in this department. Otherwise every song written would be about how awesome love is and everyone would land their first crush and immediately get married for life. Plus we'd have like, no Gaslight Anthem or Horrible Crowes songs.

Now thàt's true: it's always a cliché when you say that "this songs just seems to be about me", but when I listen to Elsie or some of the TGA-work, I really can relate to what a magnificent writer and singer as Brian Fallon is singing. It doesn't solve anything, but it just makes you feel a little bit better understood.

Minugus, I really understand what you mean. I also think that I'm a pretty correct guy who thinks a lot about what he is doing and really cares about people. You know, I'm quite shy and when I finally let feelings get real for someone it's almost always just me that has feelings. This just sucks and it's really painful. Let's me really question if there is something like 'real love' out there.

Oh, and I'm not so sure about the part with become friends first. I'm in such a situation right now: I fell in love with a friend of mine and she just moved away to another city in order to go to university and she doesn't want a relationship and it's just really ruining our friendship, this is something that I never wanted because I really care a lot about her as a person. Ah well, love ist complicated.

You're not doing anything wrong. The reason she's attracted to him and not you (in that way at least) could be because of any number of reasons, some of which may have nothing to do with your looks or behavior at all. Case in point: back in school, there was this one girl all the guys were into. I thought it was because they thought she was pretty, outgoing, smart, funny, etc. Years later I found out it was because they knew she was one of the few girls who would put out. So there you go.

My issue is the lack of issues, it may sound weird, but sometimes I wish for some friction or fights. I guess this sounds kind of weird, but don't you think issues make a romance better?