Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]

I can't even begin to describe how much I love that, Shannon.

Wow, thanks Mike! That was kind of a hard poem for me to write, but I'm much better off for having written it. And posting it. Thank you again!

stepsandnumbers wrote:

Camus wrote:

I can't even begin to describe how much I love that, Shannon.

Thank you, Sarah! You guys are the best!

.

Shannon, that did indeed sound like it was hard to write. That last verse is like a punch in the face, and it wouldn't sound out of place on Else, I think. Ultimately, the mental picture I got while reading it was one of the speaker running into an ex and having that awkward, unavoidable conversation. *Fake enthusiastic voice* "Heeeeeeeeey! How are you doing!" "Oh, I'm alright! How about you?" etc etc.
I like it so much because it's like the rest of the poem is very straightforward speech to the other person, but in the last line it becomes apparent that the rest of the poem was an internal monologue happening in the split second after the "you" in the poem asked the speaker "how are you doing?" All that stuff rushes through the speaker's head, but only "I'm alright" pops out. The way you put that phrase alone in the last line really highlights the inadequacy of those two words as descriptors.

Also, thank you for the kind words, they are much appreciated! It's nice to get such thoughtful feedback.

TheTrevor wrote:

Shannon, that did indeed sound like it was hard to write. That last verse is like a punch in the face, and it wouldn't sound out of place on Else, I think. Ultimately, the mental picture I got while reading it was one of the speaker running into an ex and having that awkward, unavoidable conversation. *Fake enthusiastic voice* "Heeeeeeeeey! How are you doing!" "Oh, I'm alright! How about you?" etc etc.
I like it so much because it's like the rest of the poem is very straightforward speech to the other person, but in the last line it becomes apparent that the rest of the poem was an internal monologue happening in the split second after the "you" in the poem asked the speaker "how are you doing?" All that stuff rushes through the speaker's head, but only "I'm alright" pops out. The way you put that phrase alone in the last line really highlights the inadequacy of those two words as descriptors.

Also, thank you for the kind words, they are much appreciated! It's nice to get such thoughtful feedback.

Wow, thanks for the feedback, Trevor! You were pretty much dead on with what I was going for. Basically, it's how I feel about this guy and what we had, the good and the bad, and how if I did come into contact with him again (that hasn't happened yet) that last line would be what I would tell him. "I'm alright", because that's all he needs to know. The rest of those emotions belong to me, not him. The last stanza was adapted from Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright", which is one of my favorite songs. I just changed it up to fit what I was trying to get across. I'm glad it worked!

And you're welcome! I hope you keep posting in this thread. There are so many talented people on this forum, and it's always great when someone new joins in on the fun.

Wow that was beautiful, Shannon! And heartbreaking. Love it - especially the last verse ...

Thanks, Enola! You guys are all so nice. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm always a little nervous when I post a poem here, and I wasn't sure if I should post that one at first. I'm glad I did.

patfreesia wrote:

spectator for years, finally joined, first post!...figured where better to share the stuff i scribble than with the open minds of fellow gaslight fans. always kept it to myself, some better than others. with videos to boot. so the good, bad, and the ugly...any response is welcomed.

stay lucky,
pat

http://dafug.tumblr.com/

Hi Pat, I'm Shannon. Welcome to the forum! You should head over to the Introduce Yourself thread and tell us about yourself.

I've been looking at your tumblr and you have some great stuff on there! I really like your poetry. There were two pieces that really stood out to me:

You can run a
Thousand miles away
Where nobody knows
Your face.
But this place: it stays
In your veins.
As much a part of you
As your blood
And your name.

That is the perfect way to sum up how I feel about California, where I'm from. That poem is the straight-forward, honest truth, and I really like it.

"Kinch Ahoy"

The naive sailor and his empty sea. Settled in the between, the flickered now. A restless muse knowing too well there’s something to tell, but the ball and chain, it stayed the same. Torn soles, naked trees and sleeping leaves, where the river smirked and the sun set with a sigh. Now was then and he’ll do it again. The same black cat, the same cigarette. Where the branches whistled whats best to forget, but he always knew the sound of regret. So now his heart is a noose and it suffocates truth. The rope’s getting heavy and it tugs at the moon. The sun was shining, he had no excuse. It winds past the bend, drawing shadows on the wall. The lies and hands and broken glass swirl and swing, with fate and grace tucked beneath the drunk piano of a cosmic fling

I picked up on some Gaslight vibes with this one and your imagery is outstanding. This is my favorite.

Thanks for sharing your poetry with us and I hope you post some more soon!

I haven't written anything in 2 weeks, ugh! But then I wrote this. I still haven't finished the song about my grandad, but this is instead a different song about a different person. It's mostly fictionalized (I don't live by the bay, for example ) but it's sort of about my "first love"

Blue eyes and a smile that's nice
But with a cold, cold heart with the temperature iced
You had jet black boots and a zebra-print purse
My name dripped off your tongue like a magic man's curse

'Oh Danielle!', I called your name
In the deep dark night alone
And when no answer came
My heart sank like a stone

Oh and cigarette smoke and '55 chevies
And a red sunset while the sea's crashing heavy
on a white foam beach, by the old boardwalk
Watch the boats sail by from the Waters Gate dock
With you, Danielle
My first opened wound

Dunno about the name of the girl, might change that out

Haven't been around these parts for a while through lack of writing and lack of inspiration. Heres the only complete thing I've written in about 6weeks. I'm not 100% happy with it but let me know what you guys think

Why How Did You See Wednesday Night?

The Twilight Hours. The hours in which I thrive.
Not quite dawn. Not quite dusk.
A satisfying mean, riddled with jealous ambiguity.
Am I Dark?
Am I light?
Or am I this terrifying in-between?
A question I would love to answer.
But snow white honesty, its never been my scene . . .

Philo wrote:

Haven't been around these parts for a while through lack of writing and lack of inspiration. Heres the only complete thing I've written in about 6weeks. I'm not 100% happy with it but let me know what you guys think

Why How Did You See Wednesday Night?

The Twilight Hours. The hours in which I thrive.
Not quite dawn. Not quite dusk.
A satisfying mean, riddled with jealous ambiguity.
Am I Dark?
Am I light?
Or am I this terrifying in-between?
A question I would love to answer.
But snow white honesty, its never been my scene . . .

I really liked the line "Or am I this terrifying in-between" and the two that preceded it. And I'm with you on not being inspired! I hadn't written in 2 weeks!

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

"I'm Alright"

Do you remember the night
I talked you down from the ledge
Cried with you as you grieved
My support and heart I pledged

I'll never forget the day
You came into my life
With so much joy at first
Then bringing me nothing but strife

I should erase your letters
Throw them into the fire
Forget about your tales of
Pain, understanding, and desire

I should forget hushed conversations
In the loneliness that is night
Secrets that we shared,
Which were never meant to see the light

I waited around
When I should have called it a day
Praying that this one time
You would do what you say

You can't just come back
To the heart that you broke
Guided by your demons
Like a cold, cruel joke

The pain you left behind will fade
Like the hazy fog of a summer's dawn
And maybe one day I won't remember
How in your game, I was your favorite pawn

But your kind words and poetic verses
Will be alive in me forever
Something to remind me
This was not a worthless endeavor

I did nothing wrong
And I don't even blame you
But you gave me a lot of hell
I've had to fight my way through

I gave you my heart
And you murdered my soul
But don't think twice,
I'm alright

I meant to comment on this... this is really nice. And really sad. You make me feel sad, Shannon.

Matt L wrote:

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

"I'm Alright"

Do you remember the night
I talked you down from the ledge
Cried with you as you grieved
My support and heart I pledged

I'll never forget the day
You came into my life
With so much joy at first
Then bringing me nothing but strife

I should erase your letters
Throw them into the fire
Forget about your tales of
Pain, understanding, and desire

I should forget hushed conversations
In the loneliness that is night
Secrets that we shared,
Which were never meant to see the light

I waited around
When I should have called it a day
Praying that this one time
You would do what you say

You can't just come back
To the heart that you broke
Guided by your demons
Like a cold, cruel joke

The pain you left behind will fade
Like the hazy fog of a summer's dawn
And maybe one day I won't remember
How in your game, I was your favorite pawn

But your kind words and poetic verses
Will be alive in me forever
Something to remind me
This was not a worthless endeavor

I did nothing wrong
And I don't even blame you
But you gave me a lot of hell
I've had to fight my way through

I gave you my heart
And you murdered my soul
But don't think twice,
I'm alright

I meant to comment on this... this is really nice. And really sad. You make me feel sad, Shannon.

Thanks for the compliment, Matt, but please don't feel sad. I'm alright.

Really though, I am okay. This poem was therapy for me. All of this stuff is part of life, a crappy part of life, but most people end up being stronger and smarter because they went through it. I don't want to make you sad.

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

Matt L wrote:

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

"I'm Alright"

Do you remember the night
I talked you down from the ledge
Cried with you as you grieved
My support and heart I pledged

I'll never forget the day
You came into my life
With so much joy at first
Then bringing me nothing but strife

I should erase your letters
Throw them into the fire
Forget about your tales of
Pain, understanding, and desire

I should forget hushed conversations
In the loneliness that is night
Secrets that we shared,
Which were never meant to see the light

I waited around
When I should have called it a day
Praying that this one time
You would do what you say

You can't just come back
To the heart that you broke
Guided by your demons
Like a cold, cruel joke

The pain you left behind will fade
Like the hazy fog of a summer's dawn
And maybe one day I won't remember
How in your game, I was your favorite pawn

But your kind words and poetic verses
Will be alive in me forever
Something to remind me
This was not a worthless endeavor

I did nothing wrong
And I don't even blame you
But you gave me a lot of hell
I've had to fight my way through

I gave you my heart
And you murdered my soul
But don't think twice,
I'm alright

I meant to comment on this... this is really nice. And really sad. You make me feel sad, Shannon.

Thanks for the compliment, Matt, but please don't feel sad. I'm alright.

Really though, I am okay. This poem was therapy for me. All of this stuff is part of life, a crappy part of life, but most people end up being stronger and smarter because they went through it. I don't want to make you sad.

It's certainly very well-written. I like it.

Matt L wrote:

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

Matt L wrote:

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

"I'm Alright"

Do you remember the night
I talked you down from the ledge
Cried with you as you grieved
My support and heart I pledged

I'll never forget the day
You came into my life
With so much joy at first
Then bringing me nothing but strife

I should erase your letters
Throw them into the fire
Forget about your tales of
Pain, understanding, and desire

I should forget hushed conversations
In the loneliness that is night
Secrets that we shared,
Which were never meant to see the light

I waited around
When I should have called it a day
Praying that this one time
You would do what you say

You can't just come back
To the heart that you broke
Guided by your demons
Like a cold, cruel joke

The pain you left behind will fade
Like the hazy fog of a summer's dawn
And maybe one day I won't remember
How in your game, I was your favorite pawn

But your kind words and poetic verses
Will be alive in me forever
Something to remind me
This was not a worthless endeavor

I did nothing wrong
And I don't even blame you
But you gave me a lot of hell
I've had to fight my way through

I gave you my heart
And you murdered my soul
But don't think twice,
I'm alright

I meant to comment on this... this is really nice. And really sad. You make me feel sad, Shannon.

Thanks for the compliment, Matt, but please don't feel sad. I'm alright.

Really though, I am okay. This poem was therapy for me. All of this stuff is part of life, a crappy part of life, but most people end up being stronger and smarter because they went through it. I don't want to make you sad.

It's certainly very well-written. I like it.

Thanks, Matt. I appreciate it. I just hope you never feel like you need to write a poem or a song like that. I'm doing better though.

I hope I never have to write something so sad. :[

I feel this thread should be more active. Where'd you guys go?

I've been trying to write lyrics lately but I can't write anything "serious" if that makes sense. I just churn out goofy songs which are fun but I also want to write something more than that, you know?

Hey, post 'em anyway. Most of my songs are goofy because I'm just a bad writer

I will in a little while. I'm gonna have an EP or two pretty soon I think.

I haven't been in a frame of mind lately where I'm writing anything worthwhile, but I'll get back into the groove soon and post something when I feel I have something worthy. I love this thread too much to neglect it for long.

ok......here's something that i wrote a few days ago. the music is sort of 'boots of spanish leather' sounding and the lyrics are pretty obviously TGA inspired. I might post some more later, but this kind of stuff makes me nervous:

You came down to me like an FM ghost
Floating down the dial on American radio
We were born from nothing but sin and flame
I gave you my ring and you took my name
And this is where we remain

I always wanted to give you so much more than this
But I was never good at making anything but fists
And I wish I could remember what I knew back then
Before I was this bitter, angry man
But I’m doing the best that I can

It’s okay, baby
It’s just a little blood
Take all you need, babe
Until you get enough

Now it’s three in the morning and you’re asleep alone
I’m wringing my hands, wondering where the time has gone
The words that cut the deepest are the ones we never said
And there was so much I kept to myself
That’s the only thing that I regret

It’s okay, baby
It’s just a little blood
Take all you need, babe
Until you get enough
Through all of these bad times, baby
In spite of all these these wounds
I’ll always burn for you
I’ll always burn for you

WEEDS

I buried all my ghosts here
They haunt me every time I return.
Like old friends they consume me
A familiar feeling I had left to burn.
I’m not the same person I once was
But they’ll always recognize my face.
Resurrecting the desperate remains
Of what should never have lived in the first place.

So I rip out the roots of every dream
That was planted in this graveyard.
I don’t wanna see what they’d have grown to be.

Dawn is breaking
But I haven’t slept a second
Kept awake by forgotten dreams
Of life that breathes in independence
I feel like inconsistency
Is my only constant
I stumbled on a box with every happy ending
But now I’ve lost it

So I silence the memory of every scream,
That was buried in my head.
I don’t wanna hear the songs I never got to sing.

Because these weeds cover the landmines
Surrounding every route to my escape
Burn them, burn the ground too
Forget them, always brought back by fate

Sometimes I’m not strong enough to pull on these roots
Sometimes these screams are too loud to ignore
Sometimes the things you hate become part of who you are
As the past latches on to my heart and settles into it’s core

So I break down every thought
That I tried so hard to resist.
I can’t seal the cracks on these tombstones
If I keep forgetting they exist.


I've been trying to write more personal songs lately, but whenever I try to it never really amounts to anything. So I changed my process from straightforward thoughts to more vaguely describing a situation and this is what I came up with...