Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]

Shannon, i just made a soundcloud real quick. hope this link works!

http://soundcloud.com/jeremywhiterva/the-fall

scarsrsouvenirs wrote:

Shannon, i just made a soundcloud real quick. hope this link works!

[url=http://soundcloud.com/jeremywhiterva/the-fall

http://soundcloud.com/jeremywhiterva/the-fall[/quote[/url]]

Yep, that one worked like a charm!

The Fall sounded even better than I had imagined! You have a really good voice and the tune is so catchy. Thank you so much for posting this link. I am really impressed!

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

This is just awesome. I love the story and your use of imagery is fantastic, Matt! As I read I felt like I was there, walking under the Cypress trees at night, sitting in the diner, having a drink in a highrise lounge while a guy played the piano. Very, very cool.

I also really liked the last two lines, how you talk about overcoming the pain but never forgetting the past. That was just pefect.

And these two lines were so lovely and sweet, without being the least bit sappy or corny - well done!

I’d carry you in my pocket everywhere I went
Down the coast and across the sea

Thanks so much Shannon! All those images are exactly what I was going for, I'm so glad you picked up on that stuff. And the "carry you in my pocket" thing is kind of a reference to cell phones, but also just in general thinking about someone. This thread has become a bit messy hasn't it. So much good stuff to read!

DeathoftheCool wrote:

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

This is just awesome. I love the story and your use of imagery is fantastic, Matt! As I read I felt like I was there, walking under the Cypress trees at night, sitting in the diner, having a drink in a highrise lounge while a guy played the piano. Very, very cool.

I also really liked the last two lines, how you talk about overcoming the pain but never forgetting the past. That was just pefect.

And these two lines were so lovely and sweet, without being the least bit sappy or corny - well done!

I’d carry you in my pocket everywhere I went
Down the coast and across the sea

Thanks so much Shannon! All those images are exactly what I was going for, I'm so glad you picked up on that stuff. And the "carry you in my pocket" thing is kind of a reference to cell phones, but also just in general thinking about someone. This thread has become a bit messy hasn't it. So much good stuff to read!

Haha, yes! Creativity can be very messy at times, and I'm so happy to see that so many people have posted in this thread! I am totally in awe of the talent all of you guys have. It's really amazing.

I was working on something yesterday that I will probably post later on today. I just have to fix a couple of things that don't sound quite right.

Okay guys, here's another poem. I'd appreciate any feedback you have, positive or negative. I have been writing poetry for a while, but I'm just now really getting into honing my skills in order to create something meaningful, as opposed to just writing down the constant chatter in my head.

Two Arcs

Under a summer streaked sky
You offered me your hand
We swayed beneath disappearing diamonds
Talking of wondrous things

Of love and dying
And ghosts hiding in the willows
Of innocence and starships
Heaven and Hell

We shared teenage dreams
Of classic cars and drive-in screens,
California nights and hot Southern days
That mean everything once upon a time

You with your Kennedy charm
And me with my Plath notions
Like a gentle breeze calming troubled seas
But I never was your Jackie or Marilyn Monroe

We were two arcs of a circle
Never meant to meet
Out of sight but not mind
Shadows of faded smiles color my memory

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

Okay guys, here's another poem. I'd appreciate any feedback you have, positive or negative. I have been writing poetry for a while, but I'm just now really getting into honing my skills in order to create something meaningful, as opposed to just writing down the constant chatter in my head.

Two Arcs

Under a summer streaked sky
You offered me your hand
We swayed beneath disappearing diamonds
Talking of wondrous things

Of love and dying
And ghosts hiding in the willows
Of innocence and starships
Heaven and Hell

We shared teenage dreams
Of classic cars and drive-in screens,
California nights and hot Southern days
That mean everything once upon a time

You with your Kennedy charm
And me with my Plath notions
Like a gentle breeze calming troubled seas
But I never was your Jackie or Marilyn Monroe

We were two arcs of a circle
Never meant to meet
Out of sight but not mind
Shadows of faded smiles color my memory

I'm not kidding when I say this okay?
this poem is the best poem I've read in a long time!
that second to last stanza you stayed in code with the imagery, beautiful!

That mean everything once upon a time
IDK if that's a typo and if so, keep it that way.
if not, then it's brilliant
that mean everything, once upon a time. (everything about the world was mean, once upon a time)

great imagry here, summer streaked skies, the WHOLE teenage dreams part.

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS
if this is what your writing has become you have gotten so much better!
keep at this, it's got A LOT of promise.
maybe you should start doing this rather than novels

amazing!

Oh wow, thanks for the compliments, Cody! I had taken a break from poetry for a while, but now I'm getting back into it. It's a different outlet for me than writing novels, so depending on what's going on and what mood I'm in, I always like to have something to work on.

Quote :

That mean everything once upon a time
IDK if that's a typo and if so, keep it that way.
if not, then it's brilliant
that mean everything, once upon a time. (everything about the world was mean, once upon a time)

Nope, it wasn't a typo. Originally I had written "That meant everything once upon a time", but I changed it because in a way, all of those things still do mean everything (the good and the bad), even though my views have changed a little as I've gotten older. The past and the present tend to collide like that, at least for me. There was supposed to a comma there though, "That mean everything, once upon a time". I went back and added it in, but then took it away because I didn't feel it read correctly.

I have written a bunch of poems over the last few years about the various aspects of childhood and growing up, and one day I may consider trying to get them published. It's hard for me to share some of my work because it's so personal, but I think it's a good thing to let my guard down every once in a while too.

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

Oh wow, thanks for the compliments, Cody! I had taken a break from poetry for a while, but now I'm getting back into it. It's a different outlet for me than writing novels, so depending on what's going on and what mood I'm in, I always like to have something to work on.

Quote :

That mean everything once upon a time
IDK if that's a typo and if so, keep it that way.
if not, then it's brilliant
that mean everything, once upon a time. (everything about the world was mean, once upon a time)

Nope, it wasn't a typo. Originally I had written "That meant everything once upon a time", but I changed it because in a way, all of those things still do mean everything (the good and the bad), even though my views have changed a little as I've gotten older. The past and the present tend to collide like that, at least for me. There was supposed to a comma there though, "That mean everything, once upon a time". I went back and added it in, but then took it away because I didn't feel it read correctly.

I have written a bunch of poems over the last few years about the various aspects of childhood and growing up, and one day I may consider trying to get them published. It's hard for me to share some of my work because it's so personal, but I think it's a good thing to let my guard down every once in a while too.

you kiddin me?!
My first poem ever published was about a cocain fueled weekend and my attempted suicide!
people LOVE the personal stuff. If poetry isn't personal, it's boring

The Poet Jonah wrote:

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

Oh wow, thanks for the compliments, Cody! I had taken a break from poetry for a while, but now I'm getting back into it. It's a different outlet for me than writing novels, so depending on what's going on and what mood I'm in, I always like to have something to work on.

Quote :

That mean everything once upon a time
IDK if that's a typo and if so, keep it that way.
if not, then it's brilliant
that mean everything, once upon a time. (everything about the world was mean, once upon a time)

Nope, it wasn't a typo. Originally I had written "That meant everything once upon a time", but I changed it because in a way, all of those things still do mean everything (the good and the bad), even though my views have changed a little as I've gotten older. The past and the present tend to collide like that, at least for me. There was supposed to a comma there though, "That mean everything, once upon a time". I went back and added it in, but then took it away because I didn't feel it read correctly.

I have written a bunch of poems over the last few years about the various aspects of childhood and growing up, and one day I may consider trying to get them published. It's hard for me to share some of my work because it's so personal, but I think it's a good thing to let my guard down every once in a while too.

you kiddin me?!
My first poem ever published was about a cocain fueled weekend and my attempted suicide!
people LOVE the personal stuff. If poetry isn't personal, it's boring

I agree completely. If poetry isn't personal, it's not worth reading. It's just hard for me at times to reveal what I've written because it's all so emotional, which I'm sure a lot of people can relate to. I don't like feeling so exposed sometimes, but I don't want to waste my ability to write either. With novels I don't have this hang-up, it's just with poetry. To be honest, before I posted what I have in this thread, only one other person has ever read any of my poems, so this is a big step for me.

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

The Poet Jonah wrote:

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

Oh wow, thanks for the compliments, Cody! I had taken a break from poetry for a while, but now I'm getting back into it. It's a different outlet for me than writing novels, so depending on what's going on and what mood I'm in, I always like to have something to work on.

Quote :

That mean everything once upon a time
IDK if that's a typo and if so, keep it that way.
if not, then it's brilliant
that mean everything, once upon a time. (everything about the world was mean, once upon a time)

Nope, it wasn't a typo. Originally I had written "That meant everything once upon a time", but I changed it because in a way, all of those things still do mean everything (the good and the bad), even though my views have changed a little as I've gotten older. The past and the present tend to collide like that, at least for me. There was supposed to a comma there though, "That mean everything, once upon a time". I went back and added it in, but then took it away because I didn't feel it read correctly.

I have written a bunch of poems over the last few years about the various aspects of childhood and growing up, and one day I may consider trying to get them published. It's hard for me to share some of my work because it's so personal, but I think it's a good thing to let my guard down every once in a while too.

you kiddin me?!
My first poem ever published was about a cocain fueled weekend and my attempted suicide!
people LOVE the personal stuff. If poetry isn't personal, it's boring

I agree completely. If poetry isn't personal, it's not worth reading. It's just hard for me at times to reveal what I've written because it's all so emotional, which I'm sure a lot of people can relate to. I don't like feeling so exposed sometimes, but I don't want to waste my ability to write either. With novels I don't have this hang-up, it's just with poetry. To be honest, before I posted what I have in this thread, only one other person has ever read any of my poems, so this is a big step for me.

it was a step worth taking, because you have a great talent.

^Thanks so much, Cody!

Some nice work on this thread!

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

Okay guys, here's another poem. I'd appreciate any feedback you have, positive or negative. I have been writing poetry for a while, but I'm just now really getting into honing my skills in order to create something meaningful, as opposed to just writing down the constant chatter in my head.

Two Arcs

Under a summer streaked sky
You offered me your hand
We swayed beneath disappearing diamonds
Talking of wondrous things

Of love and dying
And ghosts hiding in the willows
Of innocence and starships
Heaven and Hell

We shared teenage dreams
Of classic cars and drive-in screens,
California nights and hot Southern days
That mean everything once upon a time

You with your Kennedy charm
And me with my Plath notions
Like a gentle breeze calming troubled seas
But I never was your Jackie or Marilyn Monroe

We were two arcs of a circle
Never meant to meet
Out of sight but not mind
Shadows of faded smiles color my memory

Love this. Really good, Shannon!

Shannon, that is really nice. really beautiful

Thanks so much, Olof and Jimmy! That means a lot to me.

We were two arcs of a circle
Never meant to meet
Out of sight but not mind
Shadows of faded smiles color my memory

Nice - but should be colour!! Ha.

Steve70s wrote:

We were two arcs of a circle
Never meant to meet
Out of sight but not mind
Shadows of faded smiles color my memory

Nice - but should be colour!! Ha.

Haha! Not in America, buddy! I never understood why we don't include the "u" in words like color, favorite, etc. Kind of weird!

Thanks for the compliment!

What is Viriginia like to live in?

If you can speak what you will never hear, if you can write what you will never read, you have done rare things.

Henry David Thoreau

Steve70s wrote:

What is Viriginia like to live in?

Well, I guess it depends on which part of the state you're in. I live in southeastern Virginia, near the North Carolina border in the largest military community in the country. It is a very conservative area (I am not), a very old-fashioned, by the book, traditional area (I am not), and very black and white in every way you can imagine (again, I am not). Southern pride is really big still, it's not uncommon to see pick-up trucks displaying Confederate flags and civil war reinactors hoping that the South will be victorious. Crazy stuff.

On the other hand, it's really pretty here, lots of lakes and rivers and plenty of forestry and wildlife, and there are a lot of good people, it's just not my kind of place. I grew up in California and it fits my personality and my opinions a lot better than anywhere in the South ever will.

Steve70s wrote:

If you can speak what you will never hear, if you can write what you will never read, you have done rare things.

Henry David Thoreau

I love that quote!

I've been to Charlotte but it was a while ago now. Hopefully I can travel the US again soon. I want to go to out-of-the-way places.

Steve70s wrote:

What is Viriginia like to live in?

I've head Virginia really is for the lovers. At least that's what Craig Finn says.

i didn't realize you were not from the US, Steve (if you don't mind me abbreviating your name!), where are you from?

yeah, i agree, it's more fun to visit places that are a little off the beaten path, more local-type places, when you are visiting somewhere.

Tricky one - I was born in Omaha but to English parents so I was brought up in England.

I crossed the US four times when I was 18 by greyhound though and have been to NYC a load of times since and also Charlotte, DC, Hawaii and Miami. Been across Canada by bus too - Toronto to Vancouver Island.

Vermont seems to be calling these days too for some reason - maybe cos NYC is within striking distance!