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 Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]

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Jay
A Contender
A Contender
Jay


Posts : 298
Join date : 2009-11-24
Age : 33
Location : Lincoln Park, Chicago

Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeTue Mar 13, 2012 5:52 pm

Thanks guy I appreciate it.

And I'd love to share some of my poems with you guys but unfortunately they're being considered for publication so due to copyright and first publishing laws I can't post them anywhere on the internet, even on message boards. It's a dumb rule I know. But if they do get published the rights revert back to me so I'll share then.
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
The Navesink Banks
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IrishNameAndAnInjury


Posts : 13514
Join date : 2011-09-16
Age : 41
Location : Spokane Valley, WA

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeTue Mar 13, 2012 5:57 pm

Jay wrote:
Thanks guy I appreciate it.

And I'd love to share some of my poems with you guys but unfortunately they're being considered for publication so due to copyright and first publishing laws I can't post them anywhere on the internet, even on message boards. It's a dumb rule I know. But if they do get published the rights revert back to me so I'll share then.

Good luck getting published! Are they being considered for a book or magazine, or something else? Very cool!
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Jay
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Jay


Posts : 298
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Age : 33
Location : Lincoln Park, Chicago

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeTue Mar 13, 2012 9:52 pm

I'll definitely need it lol, thanks.

And it's just lit mags for now. No way I'm gonna sell out and try for those big publishing companies =P
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The Poet Jonah
Wooderson
Wooderson
The Poet Jonah


Posts : 418
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Age : 33
Location : Chattanooga, the cousin nobody invites to the family reunion

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeWed Mar 14, 2012 9:07 pm

Home
My father
Stays angry
And my mother
Stays at work.
I stay in my room;
The false imprisonment of love.

In 1948 someone shot Gandhi
And today nobody cares.
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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IrishNameAndAnInjury


Posts : 13514
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Age : 41
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeWed Mar 14, 2012 9:49 pm

Cody, simple words can say so, so much. That was intense, especially the line "The false imprisonment of love". That one hurts. Sad

And the last two lines, brilliant. Just brilliant.
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JimmyB
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JimmyB


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Join date : 2010-10-27
Age : 32
Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 16, 2012 11:50 am

revised

A Fm# D A E
I walk these floors Wondering where I went wrong
Where I left the road I was on, Or How I got so lost
But now I feel the summer coming on, The Hot dry air blowin back your hair
0hh As we drive down, route 88

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let go (x2)

We would spend all our nights dancing or at home
We would never let go, of our dreams or each other arms
Never let go, of all we grew up with

Same with all the fears that still haunt us and drag us down
all the fears of this old haunted and forgotten place
Or all the dreams that have become dust and disgraced
We would always be scared that this was our fate

Never Let Go, Never Let Go of it yeah
Never let go of our dreams
You always say we never can stay
But Honey, What about tonight
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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IrishNameAndAnInjury


Posts : 13514
Join date : 2011-09-16
Age : 41
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 16, 2012 11:57 am

JimmyB wrote:


Same with all the fears that still haunt us and drag us down
all the fears of this old haunted and forgotten place
Or all the dreams that have become dust and disgraced
We would always be scared that this was our fate

This is my favorite verse, especially the second line. The whole song seems like a really cool, quiet nod to Bruce, Bob Seger, and John Mellencamp, the classic rockers with the heartland vibe. It's just touches of things here and there, nothing too obvious, but the feeling is there. I love it!

This song looks great, Jimmy! Good luck performing it! Very Happy
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TheMagnificentDreamer
Red In The Morning
Red In The Morning
TheMagnificentDreamer


Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-02-21

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeThu Mar 22, 2012 7:45 pm

New song, 1st post in this thread Smile

http://soundcloud.com/stevan-gallacher/open-road

My heart is poundin like its tryin to break free
And my head is filled with cowbweb dreams of who I want to be
Everybody runs from somethin we all got a point to prove
So tonight I made my mind up and I'm gonna make my move

Meet you on the open road
Meet you on the open road
I aint got nothin so I got nothin to lose
Meet you on the open road

All you ever wanted was your name in neon lights
Lightin up the city on those dark and lonely nights
So say a prayer for youth and beauty cos they wont be hear for long
Make your mind up cos tomorrow I'll be gone

Meet you on the open road
Meet you on the open road
You aint got nothin so you got nothin to lose
Meet you on the open road

C'mon now lets do this right
We'll leave it all behind
And on and on we'll go until we reach the mornin light
Pack your bags we leave tonight

Meet you on the open road
Meet you on the open road
We aint got nothin so we got nothin to lose
Meet you on the open road
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Harbortown
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The Navesink Banks
Harbortown


Posts : 6784
Join date : 2011-04-13
Age : 33
Location : yes

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeThu Mar 22, 2012 8:16 pm

Your voice sounds kinda like a young Brian Fallon, awesome.
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simo
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simo


Posts : 1983
Join date : 2009-07-03
Age : 32
Location : Columbia, Missouri

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeThu Mar 22, 2012 8:32 pm

That's a good song.
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The Poet Jonah
Wooderson
Wooderson
The Poet Jonah


Posts : 418
Join date : 2011-10-24
Age : 33
Location : Chattanooga, the cousin nobody invites to the family reunion

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 12:15 am

[The Tender Reed]
Her eyes of wonder
Have aged dark and still
Like some false river
On the edge of town,
And a ghost just being born
Haunts her like perfume.

She’s my mother
And she’s driving a stolen car,
The many years of love
Leaving her heart like a fortress;
Joe Louis in 1949.

I see her kiss my father and he smiles,
But that river keeps moving
Up through Paducah and on.
Every day is war
When your world is ending.

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DeathoftheCool
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DeathoftheCool


Posts : 1953
Join date : 2010-07-26
Age : 29
Location : The Dreaded Barbary Coast

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 12:52 am

you like springsteen dont ya?
but this poem is fuckin great without the references. i love the details like Joe Louis 1949, paducah, etc. i get a distinct image in my head when i read this, which i guess is the goal for all poets
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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IrishNameAndAnInjury


Posts : 13514
Join date : 2011-09-16
Age : 41
Location : Spokane Valley, WA

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 9:32 am

@TheMagnificentDreamer - I love your song! Harbortown was right, you do kind of sound like Brian!

The second verse was my favorite. You really captured the temporary nature of youth and how if you wait around too long for anything, it might be gone when you're ready to find it. Very, very good! Honestly, when I was listening to your song, I was thinking, "Man, this is great! Open Road should be on the radio!"
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TheMagnificentDreamer
Red In The Morning
Red In The Morning
TheMagnificentDreamer


Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-02-21

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 9:34 am

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
@TheMagnificentDreamer - I love your song! Harbortown was right, you do kind of sound like Brian!

The second verse was my favorite. You really captured the temporary nature of youth and how if you wait around too long for anything, it might be gone when you're ready to find it. Very, very good! Honestly, when I was listening to your song, I was thinking, "Man, this is great! Open Road should be on the radio!"

Thanks to everyone for the nice words, but seriously, that's one of the coolest things anyone's ever written about anything I've done Very Happy Can't wait to get the band on this one!

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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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IrishNameAndAnInjury


Posts : 13514
Join date : 2011-09-16
Age : 41
Location : Spokane Valley, WA

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 9:41 am

The Poet Jonah wrote:
[The Tender Reed]
Her eyes of wonder
Have aged dark and still
Like some false river
On the edge of town,
And a ghost just being born
Haunts her like perfume.

She’s my mother
And she’s driving a stolen car,
The many years of love
Leaving her heart like a fortress;
Joe Louis in 1949.

I see her kiss my father and he smiles,
But that river keeps moving
Up through Paducah and on.
Every day is war
When your world is ending.


Cody, just like I don't think Brian Fallon can write a bad song, I don't think you can write a bad poem. This is beautiful. Hauntingly, heartbreakingly, beautiful. The Joe Louis reference was perfect, and I love the lines "Like some false river/ On the edge of town". It never ceases to amaze me how much meaning and emotion a few simple words can hold. False river...that's really good.
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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IrishNameAndAnInjury


Posts : 13514
Join date : 2011-09-16
Age : 41
Location : Spokane Valley, WA

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 9:43 am

TheMagnificentDreamer wrote:
IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
@TheMagnificentDreamer - I love your song! Harbortown was right, you do kind of sound like Brian!

The second verse was my favorite. You really captured the temporary nature of youth and how if you wait around too long for anything, it might be gone when you're ready to find it. Very, very good! Honestly, when I was listening to your song, I was thinking, "Man, this is great! Open Road should be on the radio!"

Thanks to everyone for the nice words, but seriously, that's one of the coolest things anyone's ever written about anything I've done Very Happy Can't wait to get the band on this one!


I meant it! Now I'm going to go listen to the other songs you have on Soundcloud. I'm impressed! Clap
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TheMagnificentDreamer
Red In The Morning
Red In The Morning
TheMagnificentDreamer


Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-02-21

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 9:50 am

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
TheMagnificentDreamer wrote:
IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
@TheMagnificentDreamer - I love your song! Harbortown was right, you do kind of sound like Brian!

The second verse was my favorite. You really captured the temporary nature of youth and how if you wait around too long for anything, it might be gone when you're ready to find it. Very, very good! Honestly, when I was listening to your song, I was thinking, "Man, this is great! Open Road should be on the radio!"

Thanks to everyone for the nice words, but seriously, that's one of the coolest things anyone's ever written about anything I've done Very Happy Can't wait to get the band on this one!


I meant it! Now I'm going to go listen to the other songs you have on Soundcloud. I'm impressed! Clap

Our band doing some Chuck Ragan Smile

http://www32.zippyshare.com/v/52620804/file.html
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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IrishNameAndAnInjury


Posts : 13514
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Age : 41
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 10:42 am

^Cool! I'll check the link out later. I have to leave for work now, but first I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the other songs you have posted on Soundcloud. The harmonica at the beginning of Miles Davis is an especially nice touch. And is Bullets, Bombs, and Threats an original? It was great!
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TheMagnificentDreamer
Red In The Morning
Red In The Morning
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Posts : 31
Join date : 2012-02-21

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 8:50 pm

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
^Cool! I'll check the link out later. I have to leave for work now, but first I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the other songs you have posted on Soundcloud. The harmonica at the beginning of Miles Davis is an especially nice touch. And is Bullets, Bombs, and Threats an original? It was great!

Thanks! Yeah it's an original, not planning on doing much with it anymore, though I'd like to try and revamp it in some way
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DeathoftheCool
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Age : 29
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 11:02 pm

thanks for the kind words, eremitapa!
and poetjonah what happened to you in the late forties that keeps coming through in your writing? compelling...
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The Poet Jonah
Wooderson
Wooderson
The Poet Jonah


Posts : 418
Join date : 2011-10-24
Age : 33
Location : Chattanooga, the cousin nobody invites to the family reunion

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 11:17 pm

DeathoftheCool wrote:
thanks for the kind words, eremitapa!
and poetjonah what happened to you in the late forties that keeps coming through in your writing? compelling...

If I was alive in the forties they would have called it the fifties
and instead of the title "president" we would be calling our leaders "cody"
cody Obama. or cody Bush.
yeah.
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The Poet Jonah
Wooderson
Wooderson
The Poet Jonah


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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeFri Mar 23, 2012 11:19 pm

But seriously, when I'm depressed I write, when I'm depressed I want to leave.
If I could leave it'd be the 40s or 50s
but see, even then there was war and death and divorce and depression.
it's all just numbers. nothing ever changes.
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The Poet Jonah
Wooderson
Wooderson
The Poet Jonah


Posts : 418
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Age : 33
Location : Chattanooga, the cousin nobody invites to the family reunion

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeTue Mar 27, 2012 10:48 pm

[A Letter to the Dog Food in the Parking Lot]
I dropped my keys
At the birth of spring
And spooked a bird
To its nest.

It was nothing
Like our love
Though you
Swore it was.
I miss you,
Look at the moon.

Walking downtown
With you
In the heat
And the wind
All I could think about
Was that bird
In its nest
Starring down at me,
Disappointed that
I was so poor
And lazy.
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DeathoftheCool
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Posts : 1953
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Age : 29
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeTue Mar 27, 2012 10:52 pm

That poem was super interesting. I loved the part about the bird, that was really creative. the splitting of the lines like you did was a cool touch too. Makes it seem more fragmented, like a bunch of snapshots. Sounds like things weren't working out Sad
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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Posts : 13514
Join date : 2011-09-16
Age : 41
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] - Page 6 Icon_minitimeTue Mar 27, 2012 11:00 pm

Cody, your poems are always so intriguing. I never know what the next line will bring and that's so exciting. I really liked this poem, especially the last stanza. It was so sad, but very relatable. I think we've all felt like that. Sad
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