Musical taste and dating...

So I have been thinking quite a lot about this subject lately....

How important do you think it is to have musical taste in common with a person you're dating?

I am interested in someone who really loves Pearl Jam....I personally find them incredibly boring. Not just that. But he seems to be way into lots of those boring 90s bands. I find myself wondering if I can stand listenining to such music that I'm sure I'd be exposed to on a regular basis if we were in a relationship.

At the same time I think people who like music similar to your own tastes will possibly share some common values as well? It's like the camaraderie you feel when you're at a Gaslight show.

My ex is huge into mosh and all that, I can appreciate some of it but mostly it stressed me out cause I felt like the vocalists were constantly yelling at me, and much of the subject matter was so angry and negative and depressing. Don't think I could date someone that much into that stuff again.

So what do you guys think? Really curious to hear your opinions!

Considering I have never dated anyone in my life, music taste is fairly low on my requirements-as long as they don't like beiber,Cyrus,REO Speedwagon,etc.

JimmyB wrote:

as long as they don't like beiber,Cyrus,REO Speedwagon,etc.

No REO?    Well that's why you're single my friend!  

MustangSally wrote:

JimmyB wrote:

as long as they don't like beiber,Cyrus,REO Speedwagon,etc.

No REO?    Well that's why you're single my friend!  

Their stuff is too sappy for me.

Never has been an issue for me.  My girlfriend is from Mexico so our music tastes are insanely different.  Haha.

I think it's a matter of how much you value music. Music is pretty much the biggest thing in my life so obviously if my girlfriend shares some of my musical interests, that's fantastic. I think at the end of the day though what really matters is that someone is passionate about music, no matter what they listen to.

JimmyB wrote:

as long as they don't like beiber,Cyrus,REO Speedwagon,etc.

What are you, 13? Let people listen to whatever they want to.

Interesting question. The greatest girl I ever dated loves awful dance music and Nightwish, whereas the abusive psycho who stabbed me in the leg with a pair of sewing scissors loves all the same music I do. So maybe I'm biased?

As long as they'll tolerate the fact that I have to have a stereo playing constantly in whatever room I'm in, I'm down for whatever

Harbortown wrote:

I think it's a matter of how much you value music. Music is pretty much the biggest thing in my life so obviously if my girlfriend shares some of my musical interests, that's fantastic. I think at the end of the day though what really matters is that someone is passionate about music, no matter what they listen to.

JimmyB wrote:

as long as they don't like beiber,Cyrus,REO Speedwagon,etc.

What are you, 13? Let people listen to whatever they want to.

I can't stand garbage music. How would you feel if someone was listening to a band you hate constantly?

“It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.” - Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

One of my favorite quotes from the book, but take it with a grain of salt.

Unless you're like Rob Fleming and are a total music snob. In that case, treat it like scripture.

JimmyB wrote:

Harbortown wrote:

I think it's a matter of how much you value music. Music is pretty much the biggest thing in my life so obviously if my girlfriend shares some of my musical interests, that's fantastic. I think at the end of the day though what really matters is that someone is passionate about music, no matter what they listen to.

JimmyB wrote:

as long as they don't like beiber,Cyrus,REO Speedwagon,etc.

What are you, 13? Let people listen to whatever they want to.

I can't stand garbage music.  How would you feel if someone was listening to a band you hate constantly?

You don't understand music.

I understand it perfectly well. beiber/Cyrus/etc are musical garbage. REO Speedwagon's lyrics are sappy and don't have any meaning. I like most other music.

I think it matters a bit (the Nick Hornby quote is spot on), but on the other hand, if you agree on everything you don't have anything to discuss about... So I'd argue that a similar taste but with considerable differences would be ideal.

I think there's no bad music, if music makes you feel something it's good, no matter if justin bieber makes you feel something or lagwagon I don't know. There's music for every person and I think that if a girl likes something that I don't it must be for something and I find interesting that process to understand why she have that taste and sharing the emotions behind that songs.

nebraska wrote:

I think there's no bad music, if music makes you feel something it's good, no matter if justin bieber makes you feel something or lagwagon I don't know. There's music for every person and I think that if a girl likes something that I don't it must be for something and I find interesting that process to understand why she have that taste and sharing the emotions behind that songs.

Well said.

It's pretty pedantic to only date people with similar music tastes. If you really like someone and have a conection with them, it shouldn't really matter what music they like. Besides, who would want to be around someone who agrees with you on everything?! Personally, I feel that would get boring very quickly.

My girlfriend likes completely different stuff to me, but i think it makes the process of sharing music more interesting because i have not heard a lot of what she listens to and vice versa. So we are constantly discovering things that we both like. Musical taste isn't really the first thing i think about when i meet someone. Plus if you start setting these kinds of barriers before you meet someone your chances are going to be limited and whose saying your musical taste cant change.

I think about this A LOT as I am VERY single and music is a VERY significant part of my life. I spend most of my extra time and money going to shows. Most friends that I haven't met through school or the internet I have met through Gaslight or related bands (and same goes for half friends I have met through those places). I wouldn't automatically write someone off who wasn't into my music, but I do feel like, just because it's SUCH a big part of my life, I'd need to date someone who at least had a similar passion, maybe even if it wasn't the same music? Although in theory, I'd date someone who is as big of a fan of most of the same music as I am.
I know it can sound silly, but I don't think it necessarily is. Imagine if you spent all your weekends hiking. Would you want to date a couch potato? Someone who couldn't share your biggest interest? (Or, conversely, if film or tv was your passion, would you want to date someone who didn't own a television??)

Ultimately, I have so many other requirements that I'm not necessarily planning on being picky with this one, but I feel like it could become a thing. I just can't imagine being with someone for a long time who I couldn't share a HUGE part of my life with.

The Last Jukebox Romeo wrote:

It's pretty pedantic to only date people with similar music tastes. If you really like someone and have a conection with them, it shouldn't really matter what music they like. Besides, who would want to be around someone who agrees with you on everything?! Personally, I feel that would get boring very quickly.

What if, similar music tastes are a big factor in a having a connection with someone? Music taste says a lot about who a person is. So to me, it's a question of, are you looking for someone who's like you or different than you?  Dating someone with the same taste of music (or not) has to do with a lot more than just "are we gonna want to go to the same shows?" (not that that isn't an issue as well).

And as someone who spent 20 years only around people with different tastes than mine, In my opinion, that is FAR more boring.

JimmyB wrote:

I understand it perfectly well.  beiber/Cyrus/etc are musical garbage.  REO Speedwagon's lyrics are sappy and don't have any meaning.  I like most other music.

See you're still acting like some edgy teen.

Like one of those Youtube commenters going "I'm only 12 but I listen to Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, all the new music sucks!!" - I get it, I understand why you wouldn't listen to mainstream MTV type of pop music, but you can't really have any kind of artistic high ground because art is subjective. Would I compare Miley Cyrus to Bruce Springsteen? No, but Wrecking ball is one of the greatest pop ballads I've ever heard. Bon Jovi would drag his balls through a mile of concrete to go back in time and write it himself.
Not that she wrote it, but my point is you can't determine someone's character by what they're listening to, because you never just choose to like something, you just like it.

To all those saying that it would be boring to agree with someone on almost everything…do you have any experience with it? Because I can tell you it is far from boring. It's actually thrilling to be able to share so much with the person you love the most. My relationship essentially started with music and it's incredibly important to us, both listening and making music of our own.

Not saying that we agree on every single thing in the world, but we connect on so many levels and music is absolutely a huge part of that. When music has played such a big role in shaping your life you can't say with certainty whether or not you'd click with someone if you hadn't listened to Gaslight or NWA or Katy Perry or whatever it is you're passionate about.

So I don't have any answers but I can say from experience it can be very important and it is absolutely not boring, so don't let writers on Buzzfeed tell you that agreeing with your partner isn't a good thing. It is. It's awesome.

I think it is important in a relationship and can actually widen your own musical taste if it differs slightly from your partner. My ex-girlfriend and I had very similar music taste although one thing I am doing now to try and help move on from her is remember one or two bands that she liked that I am really not into. For example she liked Red Hot Chili Peppers and Muse - two bands I just find incredibly boring. At the time it did not matter because generally we liked similar music. We did share a lot of common ground with music though and that is really where and how our relationship started, so yes I think musical taste can be very important in a relationship.

My point wasn't that its boring in a relationship where you share the same interests, of course it isn't, that point was aimed more at agreeing on 'everything.' Personally, I enjoy finding out differences between myself and others and, at the end of the day, that's basically all it comes down to: the nature of the personality. If sharing music together is a big deal for you personally then great, if it doesn't matter too much then great. This is such a discursive debate that finding a 'right' answer will never happen.

The Last Jukebox Romeo wrote:

My point wasn't that its boring in a relationship where you share the same interests, of course it isn't, that point was aimed more at agreeing on 'everything.' Personally, I enjoy finding out differences between myself and others and, at the end of the day, that's basically all it comes down to: the nature of the personality. If sharing music together is a big deal for you personally then great, if it doesn't matter too much then great. This is such a discursive debate that finding a 'right' answer will never happen.

The last paragraph of my post starts with "So I don't have any answers…"

I think what it comes down to is this: musical tastes aside, when it's right you'll know it.

"You can tell a lot about someone by their music collection" a girl I once dated told me while she tore apart my collection looking for the "weird ones" haha. I think it's important to an extent. Me and my fiancee both love The Gaslight Anthem but she and I have a few bands not to each others taste. I think it's more important for me that my partner share a love of music as that is the biggest part of my life. It's great if you share a mutual love of bands but for me it's a passion for music that is most important.

Jack wrote:

To all those saying that it would be boring to agree with someone on almost everything…do you have any experience with it? Because I can tell you it is far from boring. It's actually thrilling to be able to share so much with the person you love the most. My relationship essentially started with music and it's incredibly important to us, both listening and making music of our own.

Not saying that we agree on every single thing in the world, but we connect on so many levels and music is absolutely a huge part of that. When music has played such a big role in shaping your life you can't say with certainty whether or not you'd click with someone if you hadn't listened to Gaslight or NWA or Katy Perry or whatever it is you're passionate about.

So I don't have any answers but I can say from experience it can be very important and it is absolutely not boring, so don't let writers on Buzzfeed tell you that agreeing with your partner isn't a good thing. It is. It's awesome.

EXACTLY! Sharing a common interest is what builds a bond. My girlfriend and I both love music. Some of our greatest moments are built around music, listening, going to shows, discovering new music, etc. One of the reasons we went on our first date was because we both love Alkaline Trio.

But outside of dating, music also has help me share special moments with my mom. The same way I used to go to local venues to watch friend's bands play, my mom did the same when she was a teenager. As a matter of fact, a few summers back, a band my mom would go see in the 70s reunited and played in our city. To be honest, it was probably one of the coolest musical experiences I will ever get to be a part. To go to a show with my mom and watch a band she used to go see every week when she a teenager was so cool.

One of my first concerts was with my mom. She bought me to see Rod Stewart when I was like 8 years old. Then when I was a young teen, she brought my brother and I to see the Rolling Stones.

I think music is something that mostly ALL people like. I think it's completely natural to pick your relationships based around a common interest in bands and musical preferences.